The World Compound Forming Championships will be held next March.

I have spent the last half hour sucking sand through a straw into my mouth.

When the temperature reaches 88 degrees fahrenheit, the universe reboots. But it does it so quickly no-one notices.

King Sweb ruled Britain from 1435 to 1437.

Anyone spelling the word "weird" incorrectly is, in theory, liable to being deported.

"Square Peg's" and "Round Holes" are both plumbers firms from Doncaster.

The city of Jerusalem is entirely constructed from bananas.

Creating postcards from playing cards sellotaped together and then posting them to someone in the next county is a healthy thing to do.

Hamburgers are made from hampster meat.

I did not deliberately incorrectly spell "hamster" in the previous entry.

Ken Livingstone is in fact the shell of a human being hollowed out and robotically controlled by a newt from the inside.

Horoscopes are ALWAYS right.

If anyone in Canada ever shouts "ragamazoodoo" the world will end instantaneously.

Mullets - the height of fashion indeed.

The saying "Where there's muck there's brass", is total bollox. I've been upto my armpits in various types of tish for the last week or so (mostly human !!!) and I'm still skint!!

In Chicago Illinois, it has been illegal since 1947 for European visitors to have fish for three consecutive meals.

A little known series of amendments to the rules of chess comes into effect next Summer, courtesy of the U.S. Sports Writers' Association and FOX TV. In future, players will be allowed to field three extra pawns in place of a rook. Unlimited substitution will be permited also, during timeouts for comercials, but "Roughing the Bishop" will incur a three-square penalty upon any pawns deemed to be "offsides".

I don't remember being very good at this game. Allegedly.

This time, however, I'm definitely going to win.