Reading the "221b Acre Street" game in the Yorkives is a healthy way to spend an evening. Well, into the night too.

Postmans Knock is a type off illness.........Raw knuckles and swollen knee joints are good indicators of Postmans knock. It should be treated with a pint of ice cold Guiness and a meat pie therapy.........

Its taken me 40 years to realize I can neither spell nor type correctly........oh bugger!!!

Gob-y-degan is a great spot to eat cheese and pickle sandwiches, but not when its windy!!

Using the wonder that is intel/centrino mobile technology I am able to log onto the Tint'ernet whilst sitting in the comfort of my outside toilet!

"Be vewy vewy kwiet, I am hunting WABBITS!"

One is a figment of one's own imagination.

Two is a get together of a schizophrenic one and his alternate personality.

The Inuit use stuffed Penguins as decoys against attacks by Kangeroos.

You may see an inkspot but I see a penguin dropped from high altitude.

The only man who ever managed to control nipple creep was Napoleon Bonaparte.

The only way is up.

I can project my thoughts into your head merely by typing them here.

A projectile is a roofing material launched into place via trebuchet.

A speed camera will not work if you hold your breath as you drive past it.

Nothing says I love you like a sodium saucepan.

Men with buckets on their heads are always called Stalin.

The World Compound Forming Championships will be held next March.

I have spent the last half hour sucking sand through a straw into my mouth.

When the temperature reaches 88 degrees fahrenheit, the universe reboots. But it does it so quickly no-one notices.

King Sweb ruled Britain from 1435 to 1437.

Anyone spelling the word "weird" incorrectly is, in theory, liable to being deported.

"Square Peg's" and "Round Holes" are both plumbers firms from Doncaster.

The city of Jerusalem is entirely constructed from bananas.

Creating postcards from playing cards sellotaped together and then posting them to someone in the next county is a healthy thing to do.

Hamburgers are made from hampster meat.

I did not deliberately incorrectly spell "hamster" in the previous entry.

Ken Livingstone is in fact the shell of a human being hollowed out and robotically controlled by a newt from the inside.

Horoscopes are ALWAYS right.

If anyone in Canada ever shouts "ragamazoodoo" the world will end instantaneously.

Mullets - the height of fashion indeed.

The saying "Where there's muck there's brass", is total bollox. I've been upto my armpits in various types of tish for the last week or so (mostly human !!!) and I'm still skint!!

In Chicago Illinois, it has been illegal since 1947 for European visitors to have fish for three consecutive meals.

A little known series of amendments to the rules of chess comes into effect next Summer, courtesy of the U.S. Sports Writers' Association and FOX TV. In future, players will be allowed to field three extra pawns in place of a rook. Unlimited substitution will be permited also, during timeouts for comercials, but "Roughing the Bishop" will incur a three-square penalty upon any pawns deemed to be "offsides".