A seven course meal in Australia consists of a meat pie and a six-pack.

Have you ever seen the bronzed warriors, sometimes known as 'iron men', with muscles on their gut? They are the ones who have never learned how to use a ring-pull.

when TROLLing a slight twist of the forearm as you swing your CLUB will send the head sailing a good fathom farther
also, a slight follow through of the shoulder will increase your drive by threefold
and when taken by complete surprise the wind, escaping through the gaping cavern of the poet's astonished maw, makes a lovely SCREAMing sound as the dented cranium careens over the castle gate
and it makes quite the impression when it lands

Trolls do not exist!

Reading the "221b Acre Street" game in the Yorkives is a healthy way to spend an evening. Well, into the night too.

Postmans Knock is a type off illness.........Raw knuckles and swollen knee joints are good indicators of Postmans knock. It should be treated with a pint of ice cold Guiness and a meat pie therapy.........

Its taken me 40 years to realize I can neither spell nor type correctly........oh bugger!!!

Gob-y-degan is a great spot to eat cheese and pickle sandwiches, but not when its windy!!

Using the wonder that is intel/centrino mobile technology I am able to log onto the Tint'ernet whilst sitting in the comfort of my outside toilet!

"Be vewy vewy kwiet, I am hunting WABBITS!"

One is a figment of one's own imagination.

Two is a get together of a schizophrenic one and his alternate personality.

The Inuit use stuffed Penguins as decoys against attacks by Kangeroos.

You may see an inkspot but I see a penguin dropped from high altitude.

The only man who ever managed to control nipple creep was Napoleon Bonaparte.

The only way is up.

I can project my thoughts into your head merely by typing them here.

A projectile is a roofing material launched into place via trebuchet.

A speed camera will not work if you hold your breath as you drive past it.

Nothing says I love you like a sodium saucepan.

Men with buckets on their heads are always called Stalin.

The World Compound Forming Championships will be held next March.

I have spent the last half hour sucking sand through a straw into my mouth.

When the temperature reaches 88 degrees fahrenheit, the universe reboots. But it does it so quickly no-one notices.

King Sweb ruled Britain from 1435 to 1437.

Anyone spelling the word "weird" incorrectly is, in theory, liable to being deported.

"Square Peg's" and "Round Holes" are both plumbers firms from Doncaster.

The city of Jerusalem is entirely constructed from bananas.

Creating postcards from playing cards sellotaped together and then posting them to someone in the next county is a healthy thing to do.

Hamburgers are made from hampster meat.

I did not deliberately incorrectly spell "hamster" in the previous entry.

Ken Livingstone is in fact the shell of a human being hollowed out and robotically controlled by a newt from the inside.

Horoscopes are ALWAYS right.