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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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Bill Gates is the devil incarnate. (oops, sorry, this game is for outrageous lies, not for stating the blindingly obvious)
My real name is William Gates. (phew, that's better, normality has been restored)
Robert (Bob) Fenwick of Little Oulton invented Cor Blimey Trousers as an aid to ice skating in 1832. The trousers contain an inflation device made from a pigs bladder and a length of red rubber hose. If the unlucky skater should fall on the ice the trousers would inflate thus providing a soft cushion and saving the said skater form injury. They were often woven with brightly coloured stripes (aka clown pants).The name was derived from the often mutterd calls of onlookers seeing the trousers in operating mode!!
The only surviving pair of said cor blimey trousers belong to Laurence Llewelyn Bowen. He bought them from Jonathon Ross, who inherited them from Barbara Cartland.
Barbara Cartland was Bob Fenwick's housekeeper from 1829 to 1856, when she was sacked for stealing the family silver which she sold to to fuel her Opium habit.
She later became an opium dealer and had a number of famous clients, including Sherlock Holmes. She supplied him without charge after he solved a little problem she had, as recounted by Dr Watson in "The Wrinkled Lady's Cat"
Dr Watson came around to my house and was puzzled by the sight of a tree full of yellow chickens. I said, "that's a lemon hen tree my dear Watson."
Ouch, that's bad!
The phrase/word/acronym 'OK' (sometimes expressed as "Okay") comes from the Middle English repsonse to local woodchoppers enquiring of the squire "Is it permissible to chop down the stand of trees in the bottom forty?" and subsequently receiving the response, "If it's oak, aye".
For breakfast this morning I had lightly toasted antelope buttocks spread with butter made from the milk of the Indonesian pigmy elephants, all washed down with a glass of freshly squeezed kitten juice.
Vertical is the new horizontal.
[Dujon]Scarily plausible!
I am Freddie Starr, and I actually ate two.
35⅓°15'22" is the new vertical.
</lie>I thought the HTML entities defined a third? Oh well.<lie>
When vertical is indistinguishable from 16-22i°52'19-92i"", then Cthulhu will rise.
I &club; Cthulhu.
</lie> DAMMIT! <lie>
I did not mean "I ♣ Cthulhu", I meant "I ♠ Cthulhu". I am Rolf Harris.
The opposite of antelope is decelope. penelope is unamused.
€pean right now, so you might want to change your trousers.
Saddam Hussein was recently given a colonic irrigation. The old-school members of the US Dept. of Defense still cling to the ideaology that "The enema of our enemy is our friend".
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