If you could turn your knee caps to face backwards, it would be possible to kick yourself in the head.............

Wild bird food does no such thing! I have found the birds act the same after eating it!

I witnessed a bloke drink himself under the table ... but once past the neck, he found it difficult to swallow himself any further. After kicking it about the pub for a bit, we agreed [arbitrarily] the head [by which I mean the cranium] would make an excellent spittoon. [It has!]

With the addition of a few forks a Spittoon makes a wonderful impromptu fondu set...........

Fondue is Swedish for sinal fluid