I went to a space bar but there was no one there so I had a glass with nothing in it.

Squirrel = target practice.

I've been mising for 9 days! No one noticed, including me! I wonder where I went? Ah well, I hope I had a good time whatever I was doing............

[belated telegraph] ATTENTION HOOMANS! IF YOU EVER WISH TO SEE YOUR PAL WIDEY AGAIN AGREE TO OUR DEMANDS WITHOUT DELAY! *check* ONE GAZILLION TON OF PICKLED HERRING *check* SOUTH POLE *check* DROP SHIPMENT *check* FEAR US! ... OUR ARMIES ARE AMASSING! *check* [by order of His Majesty The Emperor Penguin]

Surrender all of your WMD's (Weapons of Mackerel Destruction) or face the consequences.