A "cheak" is in fact a traditional teapot used in parts of Yorkshire. Hence the classic dialogue from a much beloved show:

- Get away wi' yer! Me cheak's on t'boil!
- Aye, Nora lass, and it ain't t'only part neither!
(Degenerates into comic brawl as Foggy and Clegg look on indulgently)

Elizabeth Taylor's fifth husband was Zachary Taylor [the twelfth president of the United States] but they divorced in 1848, one year before he was elected to office. i.e. [Elizabeth Taylor is older than Eve.]

I went to a party with an owl, it was a hoot.

I put my rubbish bags out this morning. They're still there tonight because our Refuse Collector is indisposed.

My refuse collector often refuses to collect.

I have modified my car alarm to fit our wheelie bin.

I've fiddled with my sons clock, he wakes up and leaves rubbish on my carpet

I fiddle with my clock all the time...but the rest of the orchestra prefers bows.

i like clocking squirrels upsidethe headwith a baseball bat.

my spacebar workswell.

MYCAPSLOCKISSTUCKANDMYSPACEBARDOESN'TWORKEITHER.

I went to a space bar but there was no one there so I had a glass with nothing in it.

Squirrel = target practice.

I've been mising for 9 days! No one noticed, including me! I wonder where I went? Ah well, I hope I had a good time whatever I was doing............

[belated telegraph] ATTENTION HOOMANS! IF YOU EVER WISH TO SEE YOUR PAL WIDEY AGAIN AGREE TO OUR DEMANDS WITHOUT DELAY! *check* ONE GAZILLION TON OF PICKLED HERRING *check* SOUTH POLE *check* DROP SHIPMENT *check* FEAR US! ... OUR ARMIES ARE AMASSING! *check* [by order of His Majesty The Emperor Penguin]

Surrender all of your WMD's (Weapons of Mackerel Destruction) or face the consequences.

By the way, you don't have any oil down there, do you?