The Teletubbies are the Four Horsemen of the Apocalypse.

<lie>Thanksgiving will be particularly entertaining this year now that most people in the US have come to realise that George W Bush is a turkey.</lie>

I am terribly offended by Bob the Dog's post.

Ironically, it has now been discovered that George W. Bush himself is a weapon of mass destruction.

When I was small, I used to stretch my mouth between the gateposts that led into our front garden and 'strum' my lips with a plecktrum in order to imitate the extraordinary musical tallent of Stephan Grappelli.

[Bob] So did I, only I used a chopstick rather than a plectrum for a better acoustic sound.

I hate drummers.

The British band Keane only has two members. Their lead singer has been lying in a coma in Croydon for the last 22 months, and performs all of their songs via astral projection.

I'm wide awake and very confident about my chances today.

Polo mints have been proven to increase intelligence in fish by up to 400 per cent, except for the salmon, to whom they are a lethal substance.

Incidentally, polo mallets have not been discovered to increase intelligence in any species, particularly.

There is a running joke in Hollywood about elastic bands. Some of the most highly regarded people in the industry are those who have managed to bring about the appearance of two hundred or more elastic bands during key moments of the films in which they are working. The most famous and brilliant exponent of this activity to date is Irwin Stokes, actually a little-known sound technician from Caldwell, who has been active since the 1940s and has so far totalled a whopping 18,942 "infiltrations" - nearly 3,000 of these were in the film "I, Spartacus" alone. Stokes actually received a 'secret' Oscar (cut from the tapes) for his 500th, which found its way into Ben-Hur. Insiders say that a roaring trade in DVDs and literature about the practice is the most lucrative and fast-growing in Hollywood since Elijah Wood made a slip about Sir Ian McKellen not being able to get the one he wears in "Fellowship of the Ring" on his beard past the Antipodean producers. Incidentally, the first "Greatest Moments" DVD is due for release on Amazon in 2005, but numerous insiders are lobbying to have it withheld, as it remains one of the few Hollywood activities unknown to the general public.

Mayonnaise is not allowed in Bollywood films, as so many of the actors consider it bad luck.

Comic and actor Robin Williams has a crippling fear of fabric softener.

"Tro, håb og kærlighed" ("Twist and Shout") is considered the film industry's finest hour, however, there is a great move to prevent its wider circulation as it contains no fewer than eight million references to rubber bands, which the more die-hard followers felt would be unlikely to go unnoticed by the public in general. Thus it is often submitted on television without subtitles, or interrupted by news bulletins somewhere after the 1,000,000 mark.

Isela Vega was given a three-year ban by the film industry between 1992 and 1995 for appearing in the '92 spoof movie "Bring Me The Rubber Band of Alfredo Garcia".

The origins of the game are shrouded in mystery - one source claims that it does in fact date back to the days of the Puritan régime, when English actors used to hide behind abandoned theatres and flick Oliver Cromwell with bands, made at that time out of leather, as he rode past. However, more evidence suggests that the first recorded incident is in fact merely to be found in Cecil B. DeMille's film "Dynamite" in 1929.

All rubber band shenanigans were forbidden by contract on the set of David Lynch's 1977 film "Eraserhead".

Nor indeed was Cromwell an insignificant character in history; he is credited with the discovery of Bognor Regis and the invention of the loofah.