The British band Keane only has two members. Their lead singer has been lying in a coma in Croydon for the last 22 months, and performs all of their songs via astral projection.

I'm wide awake and very confident about my chances today.

Polo mints have been proven to increase intelligence in fish by up to 400 per cent, except for the salmon, to whom they are a lethal substance.

Incidentally, polo mallets have not been discovered to increase intelligence in any species, particularly.

There is a running joke in Hollywood about elastic bands. Some of the most highly regarded people in the industry are those who have managed to bring about the appearance of two hundred or more elastic bands during key moments of the films in which they are working. The most famous and brilliant exponent of this activity to date is Irwin Stokes, actually a little-known sound technician from Caldwell, who has been active since the 1940s and has so far totalled a whopping 18,942 "infiltrations" - nearly 3,000 of these were in the film "I, Spartacus" alone. Stokes actually received a 'secret' Oscar (cut from the tapes) for his 500th, which found its way into Ben-Hur. Insiders say that a roaring trade in DVDs and literature about the practice is the most lucrative and fast-growing in Hollywood since Elijah Wood made a slip about Sir Ian McKellen not being able to get the one he wears in "Fellowship of the Ring" on his beard past the Antipodean producers. Incidentally, the first "Greatest Moments" DVD is due for release on Amazon in 2005, but numerous insiders are lobbying to have it withheld, as it remains one of the few Hollywood activities unknown to the general public.