News Flash! The monkeys who have been sealed up in a room with a typewriter for three weeks just passed a note under the door. Finally a simple declarative sentence! "We smell."

The problem is, they used their noses to type it.

Chicken breast is a condition known to affect women who live within the artic circle. Not to be confused with chicken leg, a condition sufferd by both men and women who live along the line of the equator. Chicken Kiev has mostly been erradicated except for a small area of Poole (Dorset) and Novgarod (formerly in the USSR).

Thrift is only communicable if both parties wear woollen mittens.

I am pleased to welcome Togo to the EU.