In most EU countries it is now illegal to sell sea shells on the sea shore.

My real name is Mick Onesiphorus Roberts, and I abhor the letter "V". Whenever I see it, I scream violently and am forced to order and eat a pizza to calm myself down.

I have just been appointed Minister for Soot.

Wantage is a measure of a substance missing, against the amount of substance required for any given task/job!

Tofu Was Invented by Arthur Prattock-Smyth in 1873 as an alternative to putty. Its use as a vegetarian food supplement was discoverd by Miss Jenny Beansweeth in 1924 at the Pocksworth annual food festival. It now comes in several flavours all of which are bland!

Dog-eared was a style of dress favoured by the poor in England between 1642 and 1751. It was later replaced by the style of dress known as Rag-n-bone in the late 1700's. There is no public record of what the poor were wearing inbetween these periods!

Ah! What widey is missing is the fact that the poor 'tween the aforementioned dates wore nothing. Hence the term "What the dickens" was an expression of surprise or disapproval - later usurped by the literati in reference to Charles Dickens and his social opinions. "dickens" is a contraction of "dick ends" and was a form of euphemism in those days of yore when a quid was called a pound and a virgin, whilst much sought after, was a far thing.

"Dude! My father was a surf board and my mother was an awwwwwwwwesome wave. Totally."

Chris DeBurgh is the personification of all that is wholesome.

Chris DeBurgh is in fact the most powerful man in the country, and Keanu's half-brother.

I had an uncle who was once a skate board, but his wheels came off, and now he's just a short plank!