Mexican trains are pulled by esteem engines. This explains the universal respect they enjoy.

Rational thinking is impossible when the subject is pears, because of the high unreason fields that surround them.

Every morning I go down to the gravity well at the bottom of the garden and draw a bucket of gravity, which I use throughout the day to prevent me floating.

I'm off to a barium restaurant tonight to enjoy a barium meal.

In order to maintain the respect of my employers, I change my pinafore at the office twice a day.

Windows are the eyes of the soul.

All shelving in Nairobi must be put up at 35 degrees to the horizontal, according to a byelaw passed in 1943.

Strictly speaking, a woman may not be termed a spinster until she has tobacco-stained teeth.

Because of recent falls, there are now seventy seven dollars to the sherbet dip.

The National Sound Archive is facing investigation after staff used early wax cylinders as hair curlers.

Most badgers can rap at an average speed of 70 wpm

When Tracy Whipsnade (27) goes out on a Saturday night, it takes her hair five full minutes to follow her out of the door.

Tuna fish love mayonnaise, and would do anything to be united with it, even unto death.

Piano tuners go well with mayonnaise.

I am currently wearing forty three strategically placed chocolate eclairs and have been declared officially naughty by the Mayor of Paris.

The Victorians provided special cubicles in every English town centre to enable doctors to change discreetly out of their surgical gowns. Almost none survive today, and for that matter most of the cubicles are gone too.

The cubicle was the very first platonic solid, but Plato soon came to consider it puny and replaced it with larger variant.