Gor'blimey running shorts are made of quicklime.

Gor'blimey plumbers overalls are made of limescale.

Limes can not only be grown in the underpants and all down the legs, as is traditional, but also in the armpits and, if you're careful, between the teeth.

You can shave with the pith of a lime.

Lyme Regis is the only town to have erected over 17 statues of Marianne Faithfull. These are all in the town centre facing North. Barnsley has 13 statues of her, and is applying for European Funding in order to build another 10 in order to take the title "Most Faithfull Town In Britain".

Waxworks suffer very badly from runny noses in the Summer.

It is possible to recreate the Boer War with just a syringe and a pair of j-cloths.

If you can catch a ball with one hand, the chances are you can also compose The Messiah.

Your success at weight loss is inversely proportional to the number of yellow things in your house.

If everybody pointed at their location on a map simultaneously, the whole world would explode.

If everyone pointed at Luton simultaneously, Guatemala would cease to exist.