In a departure from normal tradition, I am having my ashes cast into the winds from the peak of Cader Idris prior to being cremated.

Ludwig van Beethoven suffered from a particularly bad case of gall stones, brought about by his habit of consuming a whole rockery each lunchtime.

This lie is brought to you in stereoscope. View it through the special glasses and it will take on a 3-D aspect. This lie is brought to you in stereoscope. View it through the special glasses and it will take on a 3-D aspect.

(Repetition commands aspect.)

Due to an obscure clause in extant colonial law, my aunt is giong to be buried in clarified butter.

My Aunt's name is "Pat".

Itis forbidden to scintillate in a built up area on a Monday, provided there are three churches of separate denominations within a radius of 100 furlongs.

Since the late 1960s, many people have preferred the fidelity of stereosodium glutamate.

[Thos] I know I do.

Hitting my sisters and going "Bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother bother (etc)" in a high-pitched Hampstead squeak brings me no joy in life.

monosodium glutamate hasn't.

Have you ever wondered what your guinea pigs do while you are away at work? Ruth Maddock has the answer!

There are only about three hundred authentic humans left on the planet. All the others are actually aliens pretending to be human, each of whom thinks they're the only one. That's the trouble with tourists, they destroy everything they touch.

Tragically, King Midas was actually allergic to gold.

As this is post number 3,594,588,409,425, I qualify for a free choice from the sweet-trolley and the undivided attention of Natalie Imbruglia.

Natalie Imbruglia recently married Des Lynam.