mc5 - ... so help me God.

Horses have desperately wanted a special range of breath mints for their species for fifty years now, but to no avail. The campaign goes on.

Never disturb a sleeping cat. Cats need sleep to prevent them turning into pickled eggs. Pickled eggs on your sofa can be very unhygienic.

Smee when mistyped looks nothing whatsoever like smeg.

Ken Hom once slid down the Cresta Run in a wok with only chopsticks for brakes.

He was followed by Kenneth Horne.

Smeg is not the name of a refrigerator. Smegma is my mother's name.

Kenneth Horne was followed at an awkward distance by his good friends Julian and Sandy.

Sleep is a myth invented by the chinese.

Chinese consists of three vowels, a consanont and half a dipthong.

I am the lovechild of a one-night stand between William Hague and Bonnie Langford.

Half a dipthong is a pthong, which I have written a song about under the pseudonym Psisqo.

I once mistook a Mexican standoff with a Mexican standup and laughed and laughed...

Thos .... I expect you're quite dead now.

It is tomorrow.

Salads aren't.

Dalmatians are forever.

Forever is an awfully short time.

Ostriches aren't funny.

Ostriches are funny.

I am not out to confuse.

Life is good