If I move to East London I will stay this age for ever.

< / l i e > [snorgle] Do you really not get it? < l i e >

The frightening thing about crabs is their skill with scissors.

Ducks are deadly with grenades, but have yet to figure out the bazooka.

< / l i e > [ZK] That's the last time I go near any ducks! Are you sure about the bazookas?< l i e >
"And" is the longest word in the Oxford English Dictionary.

A "parboil" is a zit which hasn't properly ripened yet, so you might wish to avoid potatoes which have been parboiled.

Pom poms are deadly unless swallowed with at least half a pint of milk.

The "faceplant" is so named for the nice leafy patterns which the first plantee, a Mr Roger "Big Air" Turnbull, received on his forehead after landing rather forcefully in a gravel patch to the side of the downhill trail section he was riding on at the time (although perhaps "on" is not precisely the right word). This is fortunate, since Mr Air's colleague, a Ms Katherine "Radikal K" Foster landed in the same patch of gravel mere moments later and ended up with an intricate engraving of two dogs, ahem, fighting on her cheek.

Pie = wool x marrow

Trousers = blancmange x pineneedles

Cardigan = daffodil x fromage frais

Pedro = dungbeetle/satsuma

[/lie]Ringwraith No. 5 - yes.[lie]I am a genius, with a brain the size of a planet. (which makes it hard to find hats to fit.)

Horses have desperately wanted a special range of breath mints for their species for fifty years now, but to no avail. The campaign goes on.

Never disturb a sleeping cat. Cats need sleep to prevent them turning into pickled eggs. Pickled eggs on your sofa can be very unhygienic.

Smee when mistyped looks nothing whatsoever like smeg.

Ken Hom once slid down the Cresta Run in a wok with only chopsticks for brakes.

He was followed by Kenneth Horne.

Smeg is not the name of a refrigerator. Smegma is my mother's name.