mc5 - ... so help me God.

I lost a 2p coin last week and I've been looking everywhere for it. I've just discovered that the mice have nicked it and are using it as a frisbee.

Maltesers are people who have met and survived the aforesaid whirlpool but, as a consequence, are now destined to travel the world in little packets.

A brigantine is a very narrow cell.

Ketch, Sloop and Careen are all terms for mal de mer.

Coracles are based on the original submarine design.

The keel of a boat is an altenative sail should the ship turn turtle.

The poop deck of a sailing ship is the alternative lavatory - only to be used should the bilge become fouled.

The helmsman of a sailing ship should never be called Matt. ... Sorry, Deano and Nicholas.

A canoodle is a small craft - it was once called a 'love boat'.

Should the bloke up in the top mast call 'sail to larboard' he's probably had too many ports.

Yarmouth was a hoax created by David Dickinson, the famous illusionist.