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... so help me God.
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I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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The centre of Earth is indeed where navigators of time past believed it was. This fact is evidenced by the huge whirlpool just off the coast of Malta.
I lost a 2p coin last week and I've been looking everywhere for it. I've just discovered that the mice have nicked it and are using it as a frisbee.
Maltesers are people who have met and survived the aforesaid whirlpool but, as a consequence, are now destined to travel the world in little packets.
A brigantine is a very narrow cell.
Ketch, Sloop and Careen are all terms for mal de mer.
Coracles are based on the original submarine design.
The keel of a boat is an altenative sail should the ship turn turtle.
The poop deck of a sailing ship is the alternative lavatory - only to be used should the bilge become fouled.
The helmsman of a sailing ship should never be called Matt. ... Sorry, Deano and Nicholas.
A canoodle is a small craft - it was once called a 'love boat'.
Should the bloke up in the top mast call 'sail to larboard' he's probably had too many ports.
Yarmouth was a hoax created by David Dickinson, the famous illusionist.
The name "Malcolm" has never been correctly spelled in modern history. It should have 3 L's.
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