My coconuts never bunch because I iron them.

Whilst I have never met Coco I spend significant amounts of time wondering whether or not he was a nice bloke.

One of the best clowns on the job, after our Tony of course!

I've often wondered what clowns look like while they are 'on the job'. Lots of jelly wobbling, bells ringing and horns going off I expect.

Hey Coco, fancy a honk?

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Owing to the common agricultural policy, there have not been any functioning similes since 1973, which is a bit like cheese.

"Pellucid" means "immoral".

Highwaymen still terrorise the major thoroughfares of England, Their horses can't keep up with the motorway traffic, but they draw scary pictures on their handkerchiefs and wave them at motorists.

Waving your genitalia gently in a Southerly direction wards off ringworm.

The Hanger Lane Gyratory System is a series of dance moves designed to help you lose weight while you socialise.

West London does not have one single laundrette in it.

Like "Budapest", the word "London" is a concatenation of the names of the two cities that make it up. Lon is a high city, where rich folk gather in white clothes to play heavenly music on glass harmonicas, whereas Don, low down and poor, is mostly brown, full of rats and unattended babies.

As well as calling the faithful to prayer, muezzins have to do a little dance, based on Big Bird's moves in Sesame Street.

For the last ten years of her life, Queen Victoria subsisted on nothing but candied peel.

Extroverts can only turn left in Hollywood, as all rights are reserved.

Kashgar has twenty inhabitants and a closed barter economy. This is unfortunate as they all specialise in making lime marmalade.

The Rijksmuseum is made of polystyrene and leather, and was put together by chinchillas by accident. Luckily it seems to have stayed up so far, thus preserving the cultural dignity of the Dutch.

Stendhal is the only major novelist of the nineteenth century who really knew how to boogie.

Against all advice, the Queen continues to insist that all bills placed before parliament are printed using half-potatoes.

On January 14th, 1911, Gustav Klimt gathered the whole population Vienna together in Josefsplatz and taught them to tap dance, a skill which was used to devastating effect in the subsequent Great War, and which is retained by every local even today.