Cleopatra is buried in Highgate cemetery.

Tutankhamun is alive and well and living in Bermondsey. (with 34 cats)

Bill WIthers.

Microsoft Works.

Hospital tea tastes like dust....

All songs sung at Christmas are carols.

My life has just been cheered up by the appearance of something called the "RealOne Message Center" in the corner of my screen. Why, I was so glad to stop what I was doing and read about special offers and deals especially selected for me! I have a warm fuzzy feeling just thinking about the programmer who came up with such a sweet idea, and I sure felt sad when I had to close the window and go back to what I was doing.

I've got a lovely bunch of coconuts.

My coconuts never bunch because I iron them.

Whilst I have never met Coco I spend significant amounts of time wondering whether or not he was a nice bloke.

One of the best clowns on the job, after our Tony of course!

I've often wondered what clowns look like while they are 'on the job'. Lots of jelly wobbling, bells ringing and horns going off I expect.

Hey Coco, fancy a honk?

Me Tarzan, you Jane.

Owing to the common agricultural policy, there have not been any functioning similes since 1973, which is a bit like cheese.

"Pellucid" means "immoral".

Highwaymen still terrorise the major thoroughfares of England, Their horses can't keep up with the motorway traffic, but they draw scary pictures on their handkerchiefs and wave them at motorists.