mc5 - ... so help me God.

The Dung Beatles are a sh*t tribute band.

I am wide awake, and looking forward to the housework I have to do today.

I am blissfully happy with my alcoholic partner

I am obsessively clean, and don't leave my sheets several weeks between washes.

plump] Your last post completely failed to amuse me.

I am 6 stone 2 pounds and anorexic.

I am perfectly healthy. There's nothing more fun or easier to get into after a long absence than exercise. Ah, feeling the burn...you can't beat it.

As a matter of fact, a good brisk walk is much more fun than being on here.

Power walking and jogging were both designed by people who lived to a ripe old age.

Abstinence makes the heart beat longer.

Absinthe makes the farts last longer.

That last statement isn't actually true.

I find a hearty meal of sprouts, cabbage, peas and runner beans makes for the blowing of some great gas..............ahhhhhhhhhh!!

Fart jokes aren't funny!

There is a tribe of very small Catholic Priests living under an abandoned Golden-Grahams box on my patio.

Rameses II was killed in a papyrus folding accident

Cleopatra is buried in Highgate cemetery.

Tutankhamun is alive and well and living in Bermondsey. (with 34 cats)

Bill WIthers.

Microsoft Works.

Hospital tea tastes like dust....