[Bob] In Glasgow, they play a special version of that traditional game - 'ducking for chips'.

Austria is the world's largest importer of licorice allsorts -- in 2002 alone, enough of them were shipped to Austria to provide over 600 kilograms of the candies to every man, woman, and child living there. Noone knows what is done with them; it is the nation's most carefully-guarded secret.

I made some money by selling old rope today.

Scientists have discovered that if you place certain Impressionist paintings in your garden, then garden pests are attracted to them. Said one scientist, "Monet is the route of all weevils".

Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than two to tango. The rugby scrum evolved from an erotic tango originally danced by two women of the night (or 'hookers'), each supported by their 'pack' of seven supporters.

A recent survey showed that the most popular boys' name amongst American weevils was Eric, whilst in Britain it is Kenneth.

Weevils wobble but they don't fall down.

Frankly, all the British weevils I know arenamed Keith.

are named (sorry).

It is obvious, I can type proficiently with just one hand, while petting a cat with the other.

I wouldn't worry about it, pet!

An artificial smell is made in a factory and is called an "ol".

Scratch-n-Sniff stickers were invented by the Aztecs.

Foosball (sic) was originally played by explorers with pygmys on sticks.

An infinite number of monkeys with typewriters will eventually produce the complete works of Shakespeare, likewise 3 pigeons, a copy of Miscrosoft Word, and the Radio Script Wizard (TM) produce all the scripts for "The Archers".

Lead pencils were gradually replaced by copper pencils from about 1965.

I was arrested by a copper pencil yesterday. I was driving too hard on the B6.

The Parkway East in Pittsburgh, much like the M25, is a marvel of modern transportation and drivers should slow down to 15MPH to sufficiently take in its beauty and efficiency.

Americans understand the metric system really. They're just having us on.

Everyone over 75 in the UK really understands decimal currency, and the Europeans invented the single currency in the hope that it would eventually reach Britain and confuse all the pensioners.

Euros do not look suspiciously like francs used to.