I made some money by selling old rope today.

Scientists have discovered that if you place certain Impressionist paintings in your garden, then garden pests are attracted to them. Said one scientist, "Monet is the route of all weevils".

Contrary to popular belief, it takes more than two to tango. The rugby scrum evolved from an erotic tango originally danced by two women of the night (or 'hookers'), each supported by their 'pack' of seven supporters.

A recent survey showed that the most popular boys' name amongst American weevils was Eric, whilst in Britain it is Kenneth.

Weevils wobble but they don't fall down.