I then became an army bandsman, but they let me go because (they said) I was marching to the beat of a different drum.

I also tried being a tyre salesman, but now I'm on the skids.

I used to sell DIY equipment, but I throw a spanner in the works by getting hammered, completely plastered. It was a wrench to leave. I felt I was left on the shelf. I saw myself being screwed by the job market. Luckily I got a new job and can paint myself a better future.

I thought I would do well in the undertaking business, but I was passed over for promotion.

I once owned a shoe store. Since I couldn't really give myself the boot, I decided it'd be best if I just soled out.

I had a job installing traffic calming measures but eventually I got the hump.

I had a job on a wind farm but I blew it.