I was once considered a model of a passe major general. It was in all the papers.

I am a mole and I live in a hole.

The contents of one's gutter, when left to ferment for up to a year, make an excellent hair-restorer.

Hairbrushes, if left uncleaned, eventually develop into hedgehogs.

As a mark of respect to Mr.Milligan all hedgehogs are called Spike.

The Old English Sheepdog evolved from a prehistoric mop.

A wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches

Deep in the hallowed halls of Westminster, a small group of determined government frontbenchers plot the establishment of yet another organisation to consider a subject of public importance, but which is to be independent from the government. Could this be another job for Quango Prairie Dog?

[AP] We really know our worth, the sun and I.

I have nothing better to do.

I can dance.

I once danced with Keanu Reeves, but kept falling on the ground when he would do the dip. He seemed to hover above the ground and I could not keep up with him.

I love modern dancing - one doesn't have to snuggle up to one's partner.

While sleeping I rise to a height of five hundred feet above sea level and slowly rotate above either Lincolnshire or Norfolk.

I have just given up being the centre of gravity. The job sucked.

I have just lost my job as a pornstar. It was a blow.

I have just given up being the rear spoiler on the McLaren F1 car... what a drag.

I have just given up stalking. A better job follows.

I've just decided to drive my car off the road. It was a career choice.

I used to work at a potato-packing plant, but I got the sack.

An Amazonian tribe has just recruited me. I was head hunted.