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... so help me God.
help
I promise to tell the truth, the whole truth and nothing but the truth...
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I had an idea for something to write here, but I forgot what it was.
Everything tastes better the second time you drink it.
The little green men just want their ball back.
The spanish language does not have equivalent words for razor, snow, barbecue, pritt stick, bidet, Prince Harry, hedgehog, Indiana, marshmallow, rhinoplasty, trout, Putney, or hamburger.
[Dunx re: light/teapot/roach] All revoltingly bad! Terrible!
"Cap'n Crunch" cereal is made from the ground bones of the Cap'n's various enemies.
I have not been waiting for over three hours for a customer to turn up for an appointment and (as I usually do in such a circumstance) am taking it in my stride.
The Dead Sea Scrolls are actually a recipe for chicken soup.
But they are dwarfed in complexity by the chicken soup recipe that is the Rosetta Stone.
Rosetta Stone was my first girlfriend; she has wonderful pockmarks on her skin - which I (silly me) spent hours and hours attempting to decipher.
[barbacoa] This just in - the International College of Spanish (or whatever it's called) has accepted the word "oencador" for "Prince Harry".
US scientists have developed a form of highly explosive butterfly that is sexually attracted to heroin poppies.
Theodore Roosevelt was originally a door-to-door door salesman.
After ten years in the average family household, a carpet will have developed an IQ of 16.
Dandruff has a wicked temper; any accusations of not being able to hold its drink will really get its dander up.
Purple is the new purple.
Methane is so named in honour of the Laird of Meith, after the swamp gas in that region pledged eternal loyalty to his line for services rendered.
The Heiroglyphs on the walls of Tutankhamun's tomb read 'Danger, Low Ceiling'
I am the very model of a modern major-general.
I was once considered a model of a passe major general. It was in all the papers.
I am a mole and I live in a hole.
The contents of one's gutter, when left to ferment for up to a year, make an excellent hair-restorer.
Hairbrushes, if left uncleaned, eventually develop into hedgehogs.
As a mark of respect to Mr.Milligan all hedgehogs are called Spike.
The Old English Sheepdog evolved from a prehistoric mop.
A wandering minstrel I, a thing of shreds and patches
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