Yeah, I like to think of myself as an independent thinker, answerable to no-one.

I applied because I wanted to have a steady 9 to 5 48 week a year job.

Well, my first priority is to annex the Sudetenland.

This green leather is so passé. I move we have the whole chamber redone in chintz.

I'm a firm believer in democracy, which is why we should do away with Parliament and elections, put the opposition into concentration camps, and reinstitute a new feudal system for the new century with everyone having their place in a true democracy.

National Anthem? Of course I know it: Allons ! Enfants de la Patrie ! Le jour de gloire est arrivé !... oops! (This really happened in Belgium last month)

WHO'S THE WANKER IN BLAAACK?

Wny do I want to stand for Labour? Well, I like your logo best.

Well, my first priority is to annexe Sunderland.

I wouldn't have joined this club if I'd known they would let women in.

Actually, no. My first priority is to axe Sunderland.

I'm terribly sorry, but I don't have time for industrial lobbyists or monied special intrests. I'm far too busy addressing the concerns of my constituents, who must always come first.

Well, I'll either annex or axe Sunderland, depending which lobby group offers me the best deal.

[Softers] No, I think you've got the wrong end of the stick, there. That one sounds ideal. Just look at the US Congress and its current disgusting attitude to the Armenian genocide resolution.

So, is it true I get to set my own salary?

And expenses?!?

I see myself as a modern Guy Fawkes.