Are the stars out tonight? I don't care if it's cloudy or bright, for I only have eyes for yooooou...!

Owing to a widespread attack of pathetic fallacy, tomorrow's weather will be determined by the collective mood of the populace. So please cheer up, you miserable buggers.

Tomorrow will be muggy, The next day will be tuggy, followed by wuggy, thuggy and fuggy.

Eh-oh!

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Another? How about
School Inspector

I was a first class teacher and an exceptional head.

Look, just hit the little buggers. I won't tell anyone.

I was a first class teacher and give exceptional head.

Funny, I never could spell.

You forgot the "e" on "potato", boy.

'Ave you got a loight, boy?

Are your expressive movement classes for five-year-old rigorous?

And do you take photos of them during swimming class?

Yes, I know the authorities don't like it but I still like to carry a cane with me. I even have ball-gags and handcuffs for when I do the public schools.

Yes, I always do my inspections wearing the gimp suit. Why do you ask?

Sorry, but I'm a naturist, and if you don't like it - tough!

There are no bad students, only bad teachers.

These children are not special neeeds with behaviorial problems but are disobediant brats, disrupting the teacher and should be immediatley excluded.

My belief is that the free market is a self-controlling mechanism that can be applied to education as much as to anything else. You advertise lessons, teachers compete to get a share of the student market and students use their purchasing power either to get into the lessons they like, or to skip classes and spend the cash at the chippie instead, in the full awareness of the future impact this will have on their earning power in the job market. It works very efficiently, and it drives up results because the students are incentivised to remain committed to the course of study they have paid for, since there are no second chances, while the students who would fail are less likely to enrol in the first place.