Okay people, it's time to spin the "Weather Wheel". Round and round and round she goes, where she'll end up no-one knows. Okay, that's "scattered showers" on the wheel. Now we throw the "Dart o' Prediction" at the Map and ... Brighton (near as dammit)! So that's "scattered showers in the Brighton Area" and we just need to roll the polyhedral Dice of Time and spin the dreidel of duration ... 5 hours starting at 6pm! While I'm figuring out the rest of Britain's weather, why don't we cut to camera three where Josh Atkins is ready at the bingo ping-pong ball machine to give you today's stock market trends and tips.
Today the San Andreas fault will open, drowning the HEATHEN DENS OF INQUITY of California. The shock will create a great wave that will sweep over the Earth scouring it clean of filth, except for the chosen few whom God in His infinite mercy has suffered to build an Ark to sail on the Flood.
"And if you're out and about watch out for that wind, which could cause structural damage into Thursday across the southern coastal fringes. Can't tell you the direction because we don't do vectors until Year 10."
[nfras] <sings>Ayrton Senna has the voice of a tenor, Peter Snow sings very low, Mark Burano is a soprano, John Kettley, John Kettley, John Kettley... is a weatherman John Kettley is a weatherman, a weatherman, a weatherman John Kettley is a weatherman and so is Michael Fish And so is Billy Giles And so... is Ian... McCaskill... ... And so is Wincey Willis</sings>
[Sierra Mike] My parents occasionally quote a weather forecast from (probably) "That Was The Week That Was" in which the forecaster says, very dryly, "Sorry about that, Egypt." In fact it's become a bit of a family catchphrase. I've just done a quick search and found this: As a freshman at Cambridge, Idle played a weatherman in a skit called ''BBC BC,'' written by the older Cleese: ''Over the whole of Egypt, plague followed by floods, followed by frogs, and then death of all the firstborn -- sorry about that, Egypt.'' so it seems that that wasn't the first time it had been used. However, I don't think it was Eric Idle that performed it on TV, but I can't remember who it was
There will be flooding in the north due to the heavy rain of the last few days, which was due to the cold front pushing in from the Atlantic, which...my God, it never ends, does it? Every day's weather is caused by the previous day's -- and causes the next! But that means...that the Earth must always have existed...and it always will exist...our entire lives are to Eternity as less than an atom in the whole universe! We are nothing! Aieeeee!
There will be a 33.25% chance of rain today and a 12.5% chance of snow. Sunshine is 8% likely and a warm dry day with no sun is a 25% chance. Cool and overcast is 20% likely. So that leaves a 1.25% chance of no weather at all. I'm Peter Snow, goodnight.
[Raak] I was watching the weather report the other day and it stated a 50% chance of rain, essentially meaning that either it will rain or it won't. How very helpful.
Owing to a widespread attack of pathetic fallacy, tomorrow's weather will be determined by the collective mood of the populace. So please cheer up, you miserable buggers.