Raak must divulge the channel he saw that on immediately, so we may all appraise the quality of the weather reports.

The Earth will shake and lightning will blaze down from the heavens to scorch the heathen! The ground will be rent asunder and fire and brimstone will issue forth from the cracks to suffocate the ungathered, and the four horsemen of the apocalypse, Famine, War, Disease and Income Tax, will ride amongst the howling masses, reaping from them a harvest of abject misery! Loud will be the screams of those dragged down into the fiery depths to suffer torment eternal! Sunday will be warm with scattered showers.

[SM] Lovely.

"A mild night, with temperatures 4 to 17 Celsius. That should cover it. We have to do this to cover our arses and avoid litigation. Crap, really. Shit! Was the mike on?

And we've just heard that tomorrow God will be on strike and we won't be having any weather at all of any kind.

"Hello, I'm Wincey Willis."

" ... which means we'll see a lot of those fluffy white things."

"Scorchio!"

Christ I'm soaked! I came out without a coat and umberella today.

If it is your fate to be rained on, you will be rained on. God will decide.

Okay people, it's time to spin the "Weather Wheel". Round and round and round she goes, where she'll end up no-one knows. Okay, that's "scattered showers" on the wheel. Now we throw the "Dart o' Prediction" at the Map and ... Brighton (near as dammit)! So that's "scattered showers in the Brighton Area" and we just need to roll the polyhedral Dice of Time and spin the dreidel of duration ... 5 hours starting at 6pm! While I'm figuring out the rest of Britain's weather, why don't we cut to camera three where Josh Atkins is ready at the bingo ping-pong ball machine to give you today's stock market trends and tips.