Are you lookin' at me? (oblig.)

Do you mind drivin, guv? I'm too pissed.

Allahu Akbar! oblig

"I've been expecting you, Mr Bond..." *presses large red button*

"The knowledge? What's that,guv?"

Could you read the street signs for me pal, I can't make out a thing past the road itself with these nasty cataracts.

Sorry, I'll have to pull over for a few minutes while I have a grand mal seizure.

Richard Hammond. Pleased to meet you.

Fred Flintstone. Pleased to meet you, now get those legs pumping. Yabba Dabba Dooo!

Quick! The cops are after me, let's get outta here!

Just grab hold of this anchor - I've got no brakes.

"Not got much of an opinion on that either way"

The glass partition slides open to reveal a set of pearly enamels smiling back at you from the rearview mirror: "Chance meeting good fellow, my name is Mephistopheles and I will be your chauffeur for this evening. As you may have unsettlingly observed, the doors to this cab cannot be opened from the inside. There will be no exiting the cab nor unscheduled stops or detours until we have reached your destination. We at Pay The Piper Cab Co strive to make your trip a memorable one. We accept no plea bargains, gratuities or bribery. In fact your money is no good to us, as your fare has been prepaid VIP, nonstop to Hades, MUWAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAH."

"London Airport, guv? Sorry mate, but my shift's nearly up and I live in Hackney."

In the pouch in front of you there's a bag of dog biscuits, can you just give one to my guide dog? Thanks.

You could describe my political views as leftish-liberal.

The kids are all right.

When I started to drive, you didn't need a licence.

It's really not worth it, mate, it's only round the corner. You could walk it.

Follow which car? Sorry, I wasn't really looking.

Take a mini-cab, mate, much cheaper and a better service.

Half-price if you sit on my lap dearie.

No, you just pay me what you think is fair, OK?

We certainly do take credit cards.

"Heyyyy mannnnn, wanna toke on my joint?"

"It's amazing how courteous other drivers are, and I never cease to be amazed at the quality of driving."

"Here - let me open the door for you."

[Rosie] Shurely 'middle-of-the-road'

"Are we nearly there, yet?"

Tip? Sorry mate, can't accept that, the Inland Revenue rules you know.

"S'cuse me sir, have you ever danced with the Devil in the pale moonlight?"

"Can we stop a minute? I'm desperate for a pee."

I'd love to drive you to your destination, sir, but I'm worried about my carbon footprint.

"I really don't have an opinion either way on that."

[Kim] Almost as good as nfras' "Not got much of an opinion on that either way"

South of the River? This time of night? Sure thing.

A ride for a ride?

Outer Mongolia? Hold on while I call in to get a price for that.

"You'll have to get out here madame, this back alley is as far as I can drive until the court removes my ankle bracelet."

"Better out than in eh? Don't worry about it though, I'll clean that off the upholstery in a jiffy"

Have you ever thought that a taxi ride is a metaphor for life? You're in the hands of a total stranger (that's me, God), and once you get in, it's like being born into life, you've no control over where it goes, oh, you can say "Take me to the Hilton" just like you can say "I'm going to be the next Bill Gates", but no-one's going to pay any attention, and you can't get out, even if you could force the locks on the doors we're doing over 100 so what are you going to do, jump? And at the end of life...there is DEATH!!