AT THE T'IRD STROKE, THE TOIME SPONSORED BY THE ORANGE ORDER WULL BE SUX FIFTEEN PRESOISLY (Apologies for any transcription errors trying to represent that dialect.)

Have you got the time?

Time, grasshopper, is an illusion. Look deeply into yourself and you will find that you will know what it is time for.

It's about 7 or thereabouts, I think. Maybe later.

At the third stroke, it will be time for another drink.

Thank you for calling the philosophical speaking clock. Before we can commit to applying a particular scale and measurement to this thing we call "time", I think it's important that we can be sure we know what is meant by the term. In this phone call, I will marshal evidence from the disciplines of physics, theology and flower arranging to consider a range of interpretations of the concept of time and will problematise both the classical notion of time as a continuous dimension and the more recent idea of time as a quantum phenomenon. As always in these matters, it is well to return to Aristotle, who said...