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Give quotes that suggests the person would be better seeking more suitable employment.
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Yo ho ho and a bottle of rum! Raise the mainsail, me hearties! With a following wind we'll be in Tortuga by Sunday! Aharr!
"DOH!!! ... MY BRAIN HURTS!"
We tried our best, but at 11.02 the battery finally died despite our best efforts. If you could follow me, you can chose from a number of options, for the service.
I like to involve the owner in the decision. What do you think is wrong with it?
I think it'll need a general anaesthetic. Now all I have to do is to work out how to arrange an EMP...
Look, you can't expect to leave it with us with a full tank of petrol and brand new tyres and expect them to still be there afterwards, I mean, perk of the job innit.
Before I give you the invoice for the work I have some paprework for you to complete, you have in front of you data on your cars engines performance, work out probability of what we have done to the EMS and confirm the predicted outcomes from the two given variables showing any correlation, determine how much you think is going to cost. Here is a clip board for you to write on, and if you could just take a seat, please show you working out and no talking to the person next to you or looking what they have written. When finished I’ll check your working out before giving you the proper answer and our bill.
An estimate? Tell you what: why don't I just go ahead and do the work, and you can pay me what you think is fair when I'm done? You can use my Jag while I'm fixing your Renault 2CV.

I think it's time for another career. But what? Physicist? Soldier? Pirate? Anyone got any promising ideas?
Mornington Crescent Professional Coach
You should always half-twist to Lancaster Gate.
Frankly, the game hasn't been the same since the Metro line was built, and if I catch you playing on the DLR, you can find another coach.
Don't worry about it not being part of the network any more - you can always go Knightsbridge to Ongar.
The game started to go downhill when money came into it.
Tactically speaking, you can never go wrong copying Tim Brooke-Taylor.
It doesn't matter whether you win or lose, as long as you play the game.
Lesson one: Throw away the rulebook.
[SM] Don't be daft, you'd do your back in!
Who the hell is this "Trellis" woman?
When in doubt, Dollis Hill.
Foremost you must never allow the desired crescent to become aware of your intentions. When shopping for your morning crescent I find a bold affrontery is the most tactful. There is no need for introductions, make your selection impulsively and capture said crescent with matching spontaneity, offering it no windows for escape, but while maintaining a firm but gentle pressure with the restraining thumb and fore-digits let the other hand stray and return with a butter knife laden with oleo with which you anoint the said object unsparingly. Take your time, massage every surfacial millimetre of said crescent. Hopefully the crescent has already been overtly warmed by your intimations and the butter melts, but should said crescent remain coldly hostile warm it up by placing it in your pants for no specific period of time but until the butter melts. Once persuaded in this fashion, even the most wholesome of crescents will become sinfully wicked. There you have it. A crescent you can sink your teeth into. Better even, grab another for a friend.
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