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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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Like Camilla a quite hopeless case
On Tuesday the thirteenth of May
French workers entered the fray
No one knows if they've left
Though all "frogs" are bereft
Is it over? "Mon Dieu, je ne sais!"
In nineteen hundred and thirty
Dvorak suggested that QWERTY usa
Would make a fine song
For keyboard and a gong
But Fats Domino's fingers were dirty
In two thousand seventy-one
A monkey will edit The Sun
We will live in the sea
With our own Mini-Me
Thus my work on this earth will be done - mwaah-ha-ha-hah
In March of 2010
I shall leap from the top of Big Ben
In April I'll land
In the wild Rio Grande
And ride off in the sunset with Sven So that's something to look forward to...
A new cure is out for the flu
It's soup made with barnacle glue
Applied with a spoon
Beneath a full moon
Washed down with a glass of Fitou
I'm climbing the property ladder
Tho' the market's never been madder
This two-up-two-down
In the best part of town
With three toilets to empty my bladder
"Are you sure that you don't want to play?"
He asked as I held my toupee
"Just keep your hair on"
"Cos your head is a square 'un"
"So I'll stick your wig on with this spray"
While stuck in a snowdrift at Shap Road or rail.
I was in need of a pony and trap Invoking Sound of Bow Bells option
But arriving instead
Was a man dressed in red -obligatory-
Who said: "Ho, ho!" and gave me a slap.
The reason for Boxing Day's name
Is act-tew-a-lee rather tame
The story is this
It was Joe Frazier's diss
Who boxed blind against Clay - what a shame!
The correct reason is that our mailboxes get overfilled with christmas-spam...!
My need for posh choccies is sated
To Messrs Thorn-tons I'm related
It's the ones filled with cream
About which I dream
Which make me so fat, I'm inflated.
Ten nine eight seven six five
Four three two, soon the New Year will Jive
There'll be drunkards galore
And sick on the floor
But we've made it, one more year alive!
So let's praise the Tolpuddle Martyrs
Transported for wearing lace garters
For being in drag
Whilst waving a flag
And all that was only for starters!
A scandal has just been exposed!
Sleeping Beauty ne'er slept, she just dozed
And the Prince he was gay
And his lover, José,
Was bisexual, when so disposed.
Are you sure that this road lead to Rome?
The signpost says "IV leagues to Nome"
But that's a diversion
By the Vandal's incursion
Oh sod it, I think I'll go home
The French tailors Toulon and Toulouse
Stitched the Pimpernel's long coat too loose
The outcome was this -
(and was sealed with a kiss)
That he fell for mamsell de la'Cruise
I've got an idea for a game
That's why I'm glad we all came
To this fine-tuned decision
Let's add circumcision
We laugh, we play, we maim.
I think we should just stick to Scrabble
Such joy when with words one can dabble
Deploy your best tiles
Stack your points in high piles
Keep quiet, we don't want your babble
The thing about Trivial Pursuit
Is that friends (who were friends!) will dispute
As the questions reveal
What the players might feel
And knowledge reluctantly salute
My hard drive it needs a defrag
Loading programs is becoming a drag
And it's not "drag and drop"
It's all over the shop-
I'd go on, but you'd think I just brag. The only other rhyme I could think of was "Morag".
SM - what about "slag"?
I think I've got texter's thumb
http://www.rhymezone.com/r/rhyme.cgi?Word=drag&typeofrhyme=perfect&org1=syl&org2=l
I think I've got texter's thumb
It's turned purply-blue and is numb
So the message I send
Will probably end
Up a right load of bollocks, old chum.
If you notice my shiny attire [S,i,R,J,P] excellent!
That is made of brand new barbed wire
Then your eye is quite sharp
So thanks, Twyla Tharp,
For a dress that's my fondest desire.
There are days and besides there are Mondays
Which rarely we find are the fun days
They can sure get one down
From dawn till sundown
Or a week - 'cause today it is Tuesday.
By Jove, what a beautiful van!
At the wheel I can see Princess Anne
She's towing a trailer
On the way to her tailor
While her horn toots a regal pavane.
While waiting for lights to turn green
I polished my horn to a sheen
But the burnishing friction
At the traffic restriction
Turned everything red - ain't that mean?...mercy...?
There once was a game in Vancouver?
At which I was a shaker and mover
I moved and I shook
People gave me that look
But I carried on using my Hoover [Marc] Why the question mark? Just curious
[Chalky] They said there was an Olympic Winter Game going on but I was not sure that anyone noticed (though all TV-channels all over the globe had almost nothing else to show ;-)
In the steep slopes of Aspen she fell,
For a ski-bum who skied oh so well
As she gazed at his pole
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