mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

High achievement's in style

Unless pissed, when they fall in the Wey.

Oi! Waiter! This soup's ruddy cold!

Your tip, my good man, is on hold

The gratuity's due

But it ain't for you

So hot up your pace - you've been told!
I'm sure there's a witty finish to this stalled* limerick - but as no-one has ventured one, you'll have to accept my dull offering.

*< musing > It's strange how some limericks simply run out of steam. In this instance, despite a lively start, lines 3 and 4 merely re-iterated line 2, offering no real development of the idea/story, leaving us with no where to go. < /musing >

So we need to develop the plot

Whether it thickens or not

So develop the tale

Or Chalky will wail

But make sure your scansion is hot!

That's a whole different kettle of fish

(That's fish in a pot, not a dish)

So boil up your cod

Freshly caught on a rod

I'm sure it will turn out delish

I say! Is that blood on your hand?

Or are you just overly tanned?

Your skin is so red

Is anyone dead?

Did you take out the man that you planned?

Hurry along now, nothing to see here.

Strategy is a technique

'Tho sometimes appearing oblique

Choosing tactics to use

will never excuse

Just guessing in moments of pique I fear that may have strayed into being too vague & abstract

If you're uncertain, just guess Opposite-limerick experiment

You're sure to be right, more or less

Thus, my prediction

turns out to be fiction [Juxtapose] Did you mean backwards, or something else?

Please tell me if No or if Yes?

I’m sure Easter Bunnies lay egg

Such bunnies, they say, have two leg

With chocolate ears

They don't so well hears

Poor things - they're simply the dreg.

In anger I say, "Son of gun!" Continuing with "deliberately bad grammar" theme

"You've stolen my last Hot Cross Bun!"

Your greed, it are frightful

Proceed, that's so spiteful

Finisher

You bastard - Attila the Hun! Swiftly moving on wishing you all a nice April-fools day

There once was a plumber from Lodz careful.... :-)

Who worked as a conjuror's stodz

nights

His rabbits, he found

Kept on going to ground

And they'd use the town's drains for refyodz

When selecting a verse's last word

From whimsy be not deterred

Nor sarcastic or trite

Rather witty than bright

Kim

And genius will be inferred

The Lim'rick's a wonderful verse

With a range from whimsical to terse

In which we display

Our skills every day

'Tho sometimes our scansion is worse

While Edward Lear turns in his grave

Say 'Bah' to the form - misbehave!

Au contraire, I insist

With perfection persist

To scansion and rhyme be a slave

The moon, as it waxes and wanes

Elicits weird urges in Danes

Their flesh gets too solid

Their conscience too stolid

They drink lots of Carlsberg while rattling their chains

The best beer of choice is Black Gold,

By the cubic mile is it sold

To giants on Mars

That wear J-cup bras

Double glazed so they keep out the cold.

Simons Mith

If you ever have tea with the Pope

Tell the obnoxious bastard to get a fucking grip and consider the suffering of his morally intractable position on condom use.

Should have been "suffering caused by"... sorry. Normal unranty service now resumes

Simons Said: If you ever have tea with the Pope

Ask if he'd fancy a grope

Most likely he'll say

"Come later today"

When I'll ask of two nuns, 'Where's the soap?' " Please excuse the iffy punctuation, but I think you'll find my poetic licence is up-to-date.

While scooping baked beans from a tin (Phil) I see you are the proud possessor of the Diploma of Advanced Filth as well.

I drunk a whole bottle of gin

Now there's beans on the floor

And I'm drunk, and what's more

I am sure I've comitted a sin (to be cont'd...)

'case the gin that I gulped wasn't mine

ahem

'cause the gin that I gulped wasn't mine

Site clearance

I thought that was a reasonable continuation? So:

Marc - 'cause the gin that I gulped wasn't mine

(It belonged to Jeremy Vine)

I'd best make amends - < mode/school ma'am > What a messy page! You can all stay behind at break .. < /mode>

Or we'll never be friends

So I've bought him this sparkling white wine.

The Pope's in the US of A

Shooting craps with New Jersey's D.A.

Their guns on the table

And a hooker named Mabel

Oh no here come the press! Run away!

In the US is also G Brown

Upstaged by Pope Talk-of-the-Town

Our own dour Scot

Is expecting a lot

Like swim 'cross the (baptismal) font - or just drown

There isn't a lot one can do

On a visit to old Kathmandu

Its strange architecture

Can trigger conjecture

That architects there were bored too.

While reading an Icelandic Saga (i,C,P,b) Top drawer. Still quietly chortling.

Queen Ragnhild made me go ga-ga

I much prefer Norse

And that is because

It's the land that gave the world lager. So nuke it.

If you want to achieve instant fame

You first should take on a new name

Such as Bill, Sue or Bob

Or else Jill, Hugh or Rob

And then kill every human dubbed same

If you could make a trip to the moon

With three crystals, an ankh and a rune

Your lunar sojourn

You old curmudgeon

Will grumpily last until June

To travel through space is my wish

On this customised satellite dish

To Alpha Centauri!

For honor and glory!

I'll leave fast as light with a swish!

So we'll steer a brave course towards the stars

~~wards~~?

Kim

With our Icelandic pilot, named Lars [Raak] "t'wards", perhaps?

Projoy

Our work will be done (just read some of the recent entries and this game appears to be going thru a particularly good phase)

When we reach a new sun

And we've daubed it with chocolate from Mars

Forward, brave cosmonauts, go!

The seeds of adventure to sow

Set phasers to stun!

At a quarter to one

Wait! What is that eerie green glow? (to be continued}
[Projoy] Don't worry. We can fix that.

The ghostly chartreuse phosphorescence

That haunts, of a midnight, my pleasance

Is a manifestation ....bit of a squash...

Darren

Of my medication

That I take for excessive tumescence

[C,R,R,D,J] Nice :)

I'm just off to take some viagra