mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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Rancher Eason's bull mounted a cow)

Bring me the head of Alfredo Fantastic stuff on the Film Club page at the moment

Garcia, a Triumph Toledo [Bigs] Forcing ...

Some Kendal Mint Cake

A pack of Snopake^®

And a ticket for something by Feydeau.

While skiing one day in Zermatt

I chanced on a leprechaun's pot

I solved the Last Problem of Fermat (Juxt) That doesn't come anywhere near a rhyme. i'm leaving mine in.

But writing quite large in [Rosie] Hmmm. I read Marc's line as While skiing one day in Zermatt (which I think puts the correct stress in the place name), not While skiing one day in Zermatt. I agree you need a pretty strong (perhaps American?) accent to rhyme it with 'pot', though.

So, come to think of it, I'll bifurcate:
But, sadly, inside / But writing quite large in

zermatt, the stressed syllable of which does indeed rhyme nicely with "pot" to a Yank.

A problem I spied/The edge of the margin

Made both my skis freeze on the spaht / Made me think of old Father Dermat

This is, apparently, the correct pronunciation - whatever accent one has :-)

In order to find my religion

I launched my best trained homing pigeon

She returned in a day

To show me the way

To Mecca. She erred by a smidgeon

[M, i, S and CdM] bravo :-)

While cleaning out my old chest freezer

To my horror, I found Julius Caesar

For a chap who was dead

He looked very well-fed

Though his stiffness so cold couldn’t please ‘er

Gather round, for I'll sing you a song!

"The Ballad of Fay and King Kong"

The note, maestro, please

Is the flattest of 'C's

Is the flattest of 'E's
Simons Mith - Could you gimme Big Ben for a bong?

According to my research, Big Ben was actually cast in E.
[Juxt] Hope you don't mind.

In order to sing out of tune

I borrowed a helium balloon

I then took a deep breath

Smoked a big hit of meth

Now I sound like Eccles the Goon

The trouble with playing E Flat [SM] no worries

Is it startles my neighbour's tomcat

When that beast starts to yowl

My dog starts to howl

So I clubbed them both with my bat

The problem with clubbing ones pet

Is rather large bills from the vet

Plus a call from the Plod

And the vengeance of God

And that's why I've not done it, yet

I think we should all have a party

Watson, let's not invite Moriarty

[irach] sorry to interrupt - but does your line scan - like really? Or is it just me that's having difficulty. I'm surprised - because you're usually spot-on in scansionland.

[Chalky] it scans for me: Watson, let's not invite Moriarty.
Mrs Hudson will strip

[Chalky] Sorry to offend. But Phil seems to feel the same way I did on the scansion when penning...er, posting the line.

Brut Champagne we will sip

[Phil, irach] - yesyesyes, I get the stress marks that Phil kindly html-ed - I just don't get the hurried Watson word. No offence taken, or indeed intended. Just curious.

Never realized she was so tarty

In Vienna they bake a nice tart

It's almost refined to an art

Delicious pastry

Seasoned tastily Japanese pronunciation invoked in desperation.

That's sold in the streets from a cart

In order to gain his affection

She covered herself in confection

[Two lims back] I too find it tricky to read limerick lines with two syllables before the first stress... It seems more natural to me to have one, as in dah DAH... as otherwise the first two have to be rushed together. For me. I guess that's why this thrives as a spoken form :)
And now, because I hate breaking up the bold stuff (though not enough not to do it...)
Chalky - In order to gain his affection
blamelewis - She covered herself in confection

With sweet chocolate bits

She covered her tits

Which sweetly caught his attention Tut, tut, Chalky

Surely the last line should be "Which gave him a stonking erection"?....coat!

There once was a gingerbread man

Who attempted to dance the can-can

But sadly the heat [Softers] I hope you're not tut-tutting the fourth line. That isn't me.

Melted both of his feet

So his pants now adorn Notre Dame

My blood-sugar level is low Is Chasty a newbie then? ;)

On a saccharine binge I must go

Which won't help at all Why is everyone shouting their name?

As it's sugar's f-all

Let's 'ave Anisette de Bordeaux...

There was a young man from Korea Can everyone hear me?

Who suffered Huntington's chorea

The symptoms, I'm told

Are sad to behold

In the head of Alfredo Garcia

My aunt suffers terrible pains

She has gout and god-awful chilbains

She sought herbal cures

For the aches she endures

But they failed, and the problem remains. 'Orrible, but chacun à son gout, I s'pose.

When Smaug caught a terrible cold

Argh, forgot the boldface. Let's try that again:

When Smaug caught a terrible cold

Middle Earth's fate didst unfold

Those horrible sneezes

Caused feculent breezes

And a greenhouse effect yet untold

Let's dance, you and I, in the buff.

Our shoes and our smiles is enough

As we shimmy and shake

Perhaps it will slake

The carnal needs of the rough

Let's toss off a rapid mazurka

Not easy when wearing a burka . . . . lucky old mazurka. . . .

Enshrouded in gloom

Amidst a simoom

And reading the Socialist Worker ...and they say multiculturalism doesn't work...

There once was a student from Kent

Whose member was upwardly bent

So he put it to use

Aiming the juice . . . .disgusting . . .

In a cup to be used after Lent Yuk!

I'm hoping to get a donation

Of blood for transubstantiation

But to rent a messiah

Would be courting hellfire

'Cos nowadays they're mostly Asian.

An imp who liked dwelling in boxes

Was discovered and eaten by foxes

But his devilish ghost

Could nonetheless boast

That their tails were bushier than ox's.

There's nothing but trash on the telly

As you watch it, your brain turns to jelly

So grasp the remote

Stretch open your throat

And pour more beer in your belly

Beware of the snake in the grass

It'll worm its way right up your arse

In contrast,the ant

Is no sycophant

And is proportionately stronger by mass

Tonight is the night, I am sure

I'll wine 'er and dine 'er and woo 'er

And should I succeed

A prophylactic I'll need

Which after I'll flush down the sewer

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