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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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That's sold in the streets from a cart
In order to gain his affection
She covered herself in confection
[Two lims back] I too find it tricky to read limerick lines with two syllables before the first stress... It seems more natural to me to have one, as in dah DAH... as otherwise the first two have to be rushed together. For me. I guess that's why this thrives as a spoken form :)
And now, because I hate breaking up the bold stuff (though not enough not to do it...)
Chalky - In order to gain his affection
blamelewis - She covered herself in confection
With sweet chocolate bits
She covered her tits
Which sweetly caught his attention Tut, tut, Chalky
Surely the last line should be "Which gave him a stonking erection"?....coat!
There once was a gingerbread man
Who attempted to dance the can-can
But sadly the heat [Softers] I hope you're not tut-tutting the fourth line. That isn't me.
Melted both of his feet
So his pants now adorn Notre Dame
My blood-sugar level is low Is Chasty a newbie then? ;)
On a saccharine binge I must go
Which won't help at all Why is everyone shouting their name?
As it's sugar's f-all
Let's 'ave Anisette de Bordeaux...
There was a young man from Korea Can everyone hear me?
Who suffered Huntington's chorea
The symptoms, I'm told
Are sad to behold
In the head of Alfredo Garcia
My aunt suffers terrible pains
She has gout and god-awful chilbains
She sought herbal cures
For the aches she endures
But they failed, and the problem remains. 'Orrible, but chacun à son gout, I s'pose.
When Smaug caught a terrible cold
Argh, forgot the boldface. Let's try that again:
When Smaug caught a terrible cold
Middle Earth's fate didst unfold
Those horrible sneezes
Caused feculent breezes
And a greenhouse effect yet untold
Let's dance, you and I, in the buff.
Our shoes and our smiles is enough
As we shimmy and shake
Perhaps it will slake
The carnal needs of the rough
Let's toss off a rapid mazurka
Not easy when wearing a burka . . . . lucky old mazurka. . . .
Enshrouded in gloom
Amidst a simoom
And reading the Socialist Worker ...and they say multiculturalism doesn't work...
There once was a student from Kent
Whose member was upwardly bent
So he put it to use
Aiming the juice . . . .disgusting . . .
In a cup to be used after Lent Yuk!
I'm hoping to get a donation
Of blood for transubstantiation
But to rent a messiah
Would be courting hellfire
'Cos nowadays they're mostly Asian.
An imp who liked dwelling in boxes
Was discovered and eaten by foxes
But his devilish ghost
Could nonetheless boast
That their tails were bushier than ox's.
There's nothing but trash on the telly
As you watch it, your brain turns to jelly
So grasp the remote
Stretch open your throat
And pour more beer in your belly
Beware of the snake in the grass
It'll worm its way right up your arse
In contrast,the ant
Is no sycophant
And is proportionately stronger by mass
Tonight is the night, I am sure
I'll wine 'er and dine 'er and woo 'er
And should I succeed
A prophylactic I'll need
Which after I'll flush down the sewer
He stood ankle deep in the sewer
Wished the rats swarming round were much fewer
The stench, too, was vile
Yet one thing made him smile:
A young lady approached and he knew her
Her Maj's Inspector of Taxes
Gets many abusive faxes
But why should he care?
'Cause I don't. So there. - truly - I don't
As long as my bank account waxes.
The moon, oh she waxes and wanes
She beguiles those who love in dark lanes
When these moonstruck entwine
You can see the moon shine
By the light of far fusion-fueled flames. Try saying that three times quickly.
My washing line is a catenary
Supplying railway machinery
Hmmm... I thought I posted this comment before, but maybe I just previewed. Anyway, [SW], maybe I am missing something, but I simply cannot make sense of your line as a follow-up to Rosie's. And judging by the silence here, neither can anyone else...
The purple giraffe
Is good for a laugh
And greatly enhances the scenery. (CdM) Possibly, but he could be referring to those little chains that used to connect loose-coupled wagons. Anyway, I've broken all the rules by ending this one and nearly did so earlier, my first line being a bit too technical, perhaps.
The funniest limerick written
Is about a pair of blue mittens
Or, perhaps, just the one? irony invoked
With a hole in its thumb?
Gnawed on by a pair of blue kittens
The distance from here to Kentucky
May be leapt in one jump by the plucky
Just settle your stance,
Aim squarely for France
And you'll get there on time if you're lucky
There was a young man from Brazil [CdM, Rosie] actually, I was referring to one of these
Who decided to write his own will
"Mi Testamento", he began
To ten sides of foolscap it ran (Softers) I'd forgotten about those wires and so had CdM, possibly. I'm not into electrics, as you know. :-)
With scansion that made readers ill.
A crusty curmudgeon from Dover
Always puked when he heard "The Wild Rover"
'Cos his car was a Metro
Its styling so retro
With a failed MOT moreover
I drive a Mercedes-Benz well, not really
Old, with knocking big ends
Its top speed is thirty
Its air filter's dirty
But ya gotta keep up with the trends
An Escort estate is my steed
I've started to run it on mead
The fumes really stink
Like me, after drink
But it goes like a honey on speed
A Dutchman called Maurice van Hoote 2 syllabubs in Hoote.
Wore clogs that war werkelijk te groote
Zij kwetsen zijn voeten
Werstopft wurst van Hooten Flamish dialect warning!
Hij stempelde helemaal over het fruit Slightly dodgy flow warning!
Can we do a bifurcated Limerick that at least scans in two languages at once? If it rhymes in both languages too, then so much the better, but I reckon rhyming in one language would be enough.
Un loup-garou mangeait un chat - A werewolf was eating a cat
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