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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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The Kiss of the Womanly Spider
Smacks of the real venom inside her
Beware her octet
Or you will soon get
An oscular/eating collider phew. Next!
On a charabanc trip to the sea
We all took our own flask of tea/B>
We topped it with Rum<
And were thus overcome
And woke up in south Tennessee collider? I just met 'er!
The weather has called me away
Now I'm away, I may stay
Til I run out of socks
In my travelling box
'Cos I'm not gonna wash 'em, no way.
How on earth do you undo this knot?
Hard tightened and smeared with green snot,
Which ere long will harden
If left in the garden
The famed Gordian knot it is not
While eating a piece of fresh cod
Which I'd recently caught on my rod
A bone in the fish
That I'd placed in a dish
Had a foot and ten toes, ain’t that odd?
While drinking a rotten peach tea
I was gripped by a deep urge to pee
So much so that I
Let out a great cry:
"Look out, please make way for me!"
I love all the boils of your face
Each pustule, each zit, has its place
Your myriad diseases
And mucousy sneezes
Oh, how they do make my heart race! Well, at least I have tachycardia.
One's encounters with tropical sprue Continuing a medical theme....
One fervently hopes to be few
Typhoid and malaria
Can lay waste an area
There's naught worse than aqueous poo I'll get me coat
Hmmmm. Two 'poo's and a 'pee' in my last six postings. And my wife just bought me a 'wii' for my 40th. Wonder if there's a connection.
I have purchased an elephant's foot
I know not where it to put (ISP) She knows you well. You're a lucky man.
Or up with how much
Or whether and such
‘cause it’s hopping around, won’t stay put
A cuppa, a sit and a bun
When all the paperwork's done
Are you sure you meant "sit"?
Reflect for a bit
Meanwhile, I'll just pour a fresh one
Cash, dollar, loot, pennies, spondoolies
Alas, they're unknown to most coolies (pen) You will not tempt me into testicular references, but watch the 5th line. :-)
For them it's just barter Touché, Rosie ;o)
A note's a non-starter
But useful when shopping in Woollies
The time has arrived - celebrate!
I've worked out how to reincarnate!
I'll be back in a tick
As my new self, Old Nick
Now at last I'll take hold of my fate!
He locked us all into the shed
Looked us straight in the eye and then said:
"You all share one eye!"
"Is it Cyclops I spy?"
Our collective look killed - now he's dead
On slaying a mythical beast
The druids decided to feast
On roast gryphon wings
Or cherubims rings coat!
Or the tail of a ferret at least
Impractical thoughts such as mine
Deal with thou beside me and wine
For this combination
- salacious libation -
The finger writes; having writ, dines.
There's no wind but we sail anyway
So far, we have not left the bay.
Becalmed as we are
We can't go very far
And we'll be in the doldrums all day
Suddenly, there's a hurricane......

We battle 'gainst wind, wave and foam

In quest of a land to call "home"
In the teeth of the gale
We shall always prevail
Till we settle and nevermore roam
I have something between my two legs
So ladies, hang on to your eggs!
Lest fertilisation (Phil) You're dir'y.
Should lead to gestation
You'll look like this pair of beer-kegs?
A girl in a suit can look dapper
Especially one who's a tapper (i.e. tap dancer)
But a man in a skirt
Who chances to flirt
Will never pull more than a slapper. Rather surpising that this one has hung around for so long so I've taken the liberty.
My gosh, it's already July! thank you, Rosie.
I'm late, I really must fly!
Heathrow, here I come
I'll fly to Dum Dum [Calcutta's airport, that is]
I prefer the monsoon to the dry!
If you start, then you've started - that's good.
If you haven't, I wish that you would!
If you're already done
Or perhaps you've just come
To a halt; well, you did what you could.
While turning gold back to base metal
I watched the gold dust neatly settle
Into ingots of lead
So I thought, but instead
I made tea from hot water in t'kettle
Enough is enough is enough
Especially if one's feeling rough
Then enough can return
From which I discern
I'll undress and post this in the bough.
I now have a vision of Raak Hope you don't mind us having a little sport, old bean.
But only if viewed from the back
When viewed from the front an early candidate for Feedline of the Month
(I'll just have to be blunt)
There's something he appears to lack no offence...
Penelope feareth no man
(Please keep it clean, if you can)
For her feminine wiles
May bring forth many smiles
As she's known for her famous can-can
I want you to tell me the truth
Are you Valerie, Mabel or Ruth?
It's so hard to tell
Which is which gel Don'cha know
"My name's Harry, a gender bent youth"
I'm afflicted with six insect bites
I've been tasted by fleas, ticks and mites
'Tis the swamp that they seek
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