mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

arrow_circle_left arrow_circle_up arrow_circle_right

The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

help

And so it begins....

arrow_circle_up

A girl in a suit can look dapper

Especially one who's a tapper (i.e. tap dancer)

But a man in a skirt

Who chances to flirt

Will never pull more than a slapper. Rather surpising that this one has hung around for so long so I've taken the liberty.

My gosh, it's already July! thank you, Rosie.

I'm late, I really must fly!

Heathrow, here I come

I'll fly to Dum Dum [Calcutta's airport, that is]

I prefer the monsoon to the dry!

If you start, then you've started - that's good.

If you haven't, I wish that you would!

If you're already done

Or perhaps you've just come

To a halt; well, you did what you could.

While turning gold back to base metal

I watched the gold dust neatly settle

Into ingots of lead

So I thought, but instead

I made tea from hot water in t'kettle

Enough is enough is enough

Especially if one's feeling rough

Then enough can return

From which I discern

I'll undress and post this in the bough.

I now have a vision of Raak Hope you don't mind us having a little sport, old bean.

But only if viewed from the back

When viewed from the front an early candidate for Feedline of the Month

(I'll just have to be blunt)

There's something he appears to lack no offence...

Penelope feareth no man

(Please keep it clean, if you can)

For her feminine wiles

May bring forth many smiles

As she's known for her famous can-can

I want you to tell me the truth

Are you Valerie, Mabel or Ruth?

It's so hard to tell

Which is which gel Don'cha know

"My name's Harry, a gender bent youth"

I'm afflicted with six insect bites

I've been tasted by fleas, ticks and mites

'Tis the swamp that they seek

But havoc they wreak

Is something my hygiene invites. Sniffs armpit - poo.

The present is never the present

It's past for cooked geese or cooked pheasant

What the future beholds

Influenza and colds no doubt

Seize the day, for this morning, 'tis pleasant.

Well, Elvis is dead - but alive

At least amongst those who can jive

But why do they wear

So much lard in their hair?

When will Grecian 2000 arrive?

A pack of the very best plugs

Costs more than its weight in hard drugs

They're more galvanising

So it's not so surprising

That they come recommended by Suggs

Are these 'mobile phone' gadgets a fad?

And do i-Pods turn good children bad?

Or are they besotted

Besmeared and tight knotted

This Hi-Tech will drive us all mad.

I look in the mirror. Who's this?

It's me? Your taking the piss!

I was young looking smart

And had mastered the art

Of toilet bowl game "hit or miss"

I once met a nun from Milan

Who wanted to start her own clan

Both Sisters and Brothers

And uncertain "others"

Said "Dad's a McLeod, and me gran". So the whole thing just went down the pan.

A tenor who sang in Modena

Perhaps should have been a bit leaner

With angels he's singing

Adagio, bringing
[Don't quite see why Marc's perfectly reasonable line should stall things for more than a week. It's not like the word 'singing' lacks rhymes …]

Huge joy in his heav'nly arena
... [SM] quite - I'm assuming lack of lean-ness equates to death-ness [angels]. Moving swifterly on ...

I'm not sure if I'll find the time

Or the inspiration sublime

To take part in this game ;-)

In the hope of great fame

And escape from my life's grit and grime

But fame will not change me a jot

At least, I assume it will not

But in the limelight

I will get the rhyme right!

And the scansion, and grammar, and plot.

A young lad from Lytham St Annes

Had a penchant for stealing white vans

Which he'd drive at great speed

While puffing some weed

And swigging cheap beer from its cans

I've just spent a week on the tube

And all rails I have greased with fresh lube

I've cleaned all the tiles

Overhauled the turnstiles

And swept up all hairs of the pube

While studying the surface of Mars

I observed some deposits of tars

Which made me examine

The dictionary to find another word to rhyme

The famine that's caused by catarrhs Tut tut...

Re: Rhymes - I confess that 'famine' was the only word I could come up with. How to keep that in the context of Mars had me completely foxed, which was why I didn't post. I'm sure Chalky had something in mind...

Bob Marley was famous for jammin' for example...

Tho' some thought he always was hammin'

A funk rastafarin [IS,P, pen] True, but in context?

Cussin' and swearin' "This pit that I am in" would have been a perfectly acceptable line, I think. IS,P had it right: if you can't think of a rhyme, then let others have a try, at least until a couple of days have gone by.

He'd go out and sing somethin' damnin'

[Software] Thought I'd wait until the last one was complete before I made a comment ... all I can do is fully concur with IS,P's remark and pennylope/irach/Darren's contributions and, not least, CdM of the Wise Words. Patience, man!

Incredible sights can be seen

From the Moon, if your eyesight is keen

For instance, the earth

Is certainly worth

One pound 'cause it's made from cheese that is green

Whenever you think you are right

Beware if your wife is in sight

You'll probably find

She's hijacked your mind

And is raring to go for a fight

"I may be some time", quoth Oates

"Since Hall's out sowing wild oats"

"So while you may wait"

"Don't stay up too late"

"'cos at dawn you'll be milking the goats."

The gostak's distimmed all my doshes

I've markled the fanturic roshes

My satchbere has jored

(Conquintly misgoared!)

And I've murgle my clep with gooloshes

arrow_circle_down

Want to play? Online Crescenteering lives on at Discord