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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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You can bat away men with your fan
And if you're a geisha
Who hails from Croatia
Then it's likely your fan is a man
I trow everything that I ween
And I hight what yclept I'd e'er been
And what's more - just hear this
- I rede what I wis
Now get out! @*&#...? I'm purging my spleen!
And with that, things arrived at a halt
'Though they perked up when one added salt
Which proves we're not slugs
Or earthworms, or bugs
We're just perfect, in fact, to a fault
I love you; you're perfect; now change.
I'd rather you did something strange
Tape a worm to your face
Take a fall down from grace
And develop a bad case of mange.
I seem to've developed a tic
Whenever I chew on my Bic®
My tongue starts to bleed
I spill all my seed - oo-er
And, in general, things get on my wick
That's no tic, that is pre-menstrual tension!
You'll have it until you draw pension!
What a woman must bear
In her days of 'bad hair'
Affects all her bits, by extension.
[Rosie] Excellent!

I'm writing a Hip Hop revue
And casting it -- how about you?
The April audition
Takes place on condition (Pj) Thanks.
That by failing you will not sue
When coffee supplies are short
We rush to the gate of the fort
And brew the moat's water
Like lambs to the slaughter
“Manslaughter!” (the cook’s doom in court)
"We're ready for take-off, get strapped"
"If you leave your seat, you'll get slapped"
"From your EasyJet crew"
"And Ryan Air too"
"We prefer pass-en-gers to be trapped!"
While cooking some nice chippolatas
To eat with nice mashed 'potatas'
I found that my beans
Were be-yond my means
It's a good job they came free and gratis.
I just ate a pineapple, chopped
At the end of my meal I just stopped
For I saw half a worm
With a lovely blue perm
It had certainly been 'Photo-Shopped'.
When you fall down a bottomless well
Your speed will increase like hell
You will notice a draught
And a sulphurous waft
With a distictive rotten egg smell
While murd'ring a Chopin Mazurka
I put down the Socialist Worker
PS. [Rosie] Having a flashback?
Retrograde amnesia
In the mines of Silesia
Thank god I was wearing the burka. can't see the relevance of lines 3 and 4, but hey...
Apparently, eggs are the thing
I'd say they are better than bling
When worn round the neck
They look stupid - but heck
Weren't Faberges fit for a king?
That genial chap Barry Cryer
Is a famously infrequent flyer
He mostly takes cabs
To his various rehabs
And his cycling is said to be dire
A friend of a friend of a friend
Has driven me right round the bend
This tenuous acquaintance Gotta gloss over a syllable in tenuous there
Is rather high-maint'ance Gotta gloss over a syllable there too.
And may not survive in the end. (Proj, penpenpenult.) I've killed the bloody lot, mate. :-)
No man is an island, they say
'Though Manxmen might just disagré
They chat and they hug less
And stay shy of Douglas
And they never come out to play
A headache at five is just great
If it leaves by a quarter to eight
But if it should stay
For most of the day
Romance is farfetched for your mate
While painting my room yellow ochre
I received an odd call from my broker
"You're quite in the red"
"You've no green stuff," he said
Now quit playing Black Jack and Poker!
I long for a long-lasting night
Where my fancy can truly take flight
But sadly, I lack
The relevant knack
To get all the works all upright
A lovely young mayor named Ken
Convened the town council at 'ten'
He loudly decreed
"From traffic be freed!"
And may all traffic lights stick at zen!"
Oh, play me those hot ragtime blues!
I'm wearing my new dancing shoes
I'm ready to bop
Or even Hip-hop
And you can all clap from the pews
The happiest one of my days
Was when I stole from the Krays
A vegetable squeezer
An upright fridge freezer
And a bra that clad Modesty Blaise
There once was a lad from old Bristol
Who roamed around town with a pistol
He only shot blanks
For which we give thanks
'cos the whole bloody town's made of crystal.
S,K,SM,R,ISP - awesome
I met a small swami from Dili
Who wanted to move somewhere hilly
I suggested Nepal
Where the hills are so tall
You ascend; you transcend; you go silly.
There was an old codger from Fareham
Who liked women's clothes and would wear 'em
But when he went out
He was struck with this doubt:
Should I take me clothes off? That'd scare 'em!
The antics of Pepe le Pew
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