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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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Of our rich verbal legerdemain.
With savoir faire, skill and panache
My boiled potatoes I mash
I'll fry eggs with flair
My souffle floats on air
And my scansion could best be described as a car crash.
There's no way to cheat in this game
The Scansion Police have your name
So please to the line
As we try to refine
It so all of the verse sounds the same
Neuroses I've had in my time
Include one that's a capital crime
but the one that is worst
Involves carnal thirst
For all living things maritime.
An orangey gusset and hem
While out on a date with a squid
So much for preview mode then! Sorry Projoy. And rab, for that matter.
Mine can wait.
An orangey gusset and hem
Makes me feel truly Lib Dem
So I'll stick to the middle
Trying solving this riddle
With the help of my lower brain stem
While out on a date with a squid
My car went into a skid
Too few hands on the wheel
Caused my automobile
To flip its proverbial lid
We were far out at sea on a raft
Which in retrospect seems rather daft
And, without a sound,
A whale had us downed
So we harpooned the bugger, and laughed.
How funny to murder a whale! [Rosie] ;-)
Its meat makes us hearty and hale
And, furthermore,
Under Japanese law
It's quite legal a whale to impale
You can also have fun sticking pigs
Up the tailpipe of old Russian MiGs
As the engine ignites
And the crackling's alight
You'll have roast pork that everyone digs
This morning I stood on the scales
They showed I'd drunk too many ales
It's time for abstention
AA intervention
Liposuction if all of that fails
Perhaps I could eat fewer pies
To lessen the girth of my thighs
They're tree-trunks of blubber
Feeling just like foam rubber
I guess I'm just Fat Bastard size
While taking a break in Albania
I saw something even more zanier
And what is more
As I opened the door
I smelled a huge bunch of gerania.
One day, on a barge in Port Said
A floating French letter I spied
It proved hard to read
Mired in spilt seed
From a limb - about three inches wide
When born in the year of Ding Hai
You'll live to a factor of pi
Both you and your daughter
Do things you di'n' oughta
With bears, lions, tigers. Oh my!
Is winter arriving at last?
Well if so, let it soon be the past
I don't like the snow
Or the wind that doth blow
It's all a pain in the arse-t Getting 3 points on my poetic licence
[SW] You couldn't fit an "artic blast" in there, then? As it were.

The Bible will tell you the truth
Of the lives of Eve, Esther and Ruth
But as for the rest (Softers) 3? 11.9 more like.
The scribes merely guessed
And made it all up, yea, forsooth.
A fourteen foot pig in my garden
Let loose smelly gas while 'twas fartin' Coat and hat, I know...
This porcine eruption
Caused total disruption
Before getting loose and departin'
I talk to the tulips; they nod
And wonder "Who is this daft sod?"
I never resent them
'Een with their bent stem
I just let them face the firing squad What a cruel world we live in....
Blindfolded he stood ‘gainst the wall
He smoked his last cigarette with gall
This isn't a joke
When a fond farewell toke
Spoils "blind man's buff" for us all!
The bricks of which Summer is made
Cannot be obtained through the trade (blamelewis) Blind man's puff, shurely?
They are salvaged with care
From the cold wintry air
Come shine we’ll make sure they get laid....
Surrounded by walls of destruction
I stand and await my instruction
As to whether or not
To take a quick shot
Hurrah for careers in construction! a bit abstract but it was stalled for a while yer honour...
He stood there aghast at the sight
For surely this could not be right:
This vision; this... thing!
So shapeless, such bling
Jade Goody, half nude - she looked shite! (apols for vulagarity)
As a planet the earth's rather small (Phil) Did you mean vulvagarity?
So beware, those of you who are tall
With your head in the clouds
It's like wearing shrouds
Now let this be a aware to us all
The snowstorm has blinded my eyes
And the wind whips away all my cries
My limbs have gone numb
This trip really was dumb
Next time it's McDonald's for fries
Pretending I like heavy metal
I bought a uranium kettle
But the weight of the water
Was more than it ought-a
And now I don't feel in fine fettle
The dangerous love of fine words
Is a trait of the geeks and the nerds (Sorry! Sorry! Sorry!)
These anal retentives [UK] <panto> Oh no you're not! </panto>
Resist all incentives
I'd say its strictly for t'birds
You call me a bibliophile
And also a nerd - after while
And maybe a geek
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