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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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For a metaphor can
Fail completely to span
A broad intellectual breach
There's a lot of words ending with "-ough"
Such as "borough", "slough" and "trough"
There is also "through"
That, between me and you,
Sounds rough if you've got a bad cough
On the eve of the spectre's high noon
I was just getting ready to moon
The alignments were right
My pants were quite tight
But I panicked and dropped them too soon
We are all gathered here to remember
That tomorrow shall be November
But meanwhile, beware
Of the Halloween scare
And lock yourself up 'til December
There was a young chap from Belgrade
Whose outlook on life was quite staid
He liked to lie down
In his wife's wedding gown
He claimed, when the cops did a raid.
At weekends this place goes quite dead
When to other websites its members have sped
But on Monday morn
With nary a yawn
They scuttle from whence they had fled. Yes, I was away this weekend. Was it quiet?
By the shores of the Bay of Bengal
sat a woman, dressed in a pink shawl
Pashmina 'twas not
(They're far, far too hot)
But beneath she was dressed in f*ck all
The good folk of Shipston-on-Stour (Softers) I say, old chap. :-)
Shout "F'Tang!", every hour, on the hour
The bad folk, however
Whatever the weather
Shout "Arse" with a withering glower
As I staggered my way up the Kyber
[Oops, add aitches to taste]
(For I was a devoted imbiber)
I took a good swig (Darren) That's because Beeching shut the branch line. Bastard!
Of my syrup of fig
And OD'd on dietary fibre
I do like a bit of scatology
A component part of biology
Using mask and a glove
And a bit of a shove
You'll succeed if you know physiology
There once was a man who liked pork
He'd dig into chops with a fork
And swallow them whole
'Til such greed took its toll
And a pig plugged his arse like a cork
If you eat too much meat please beware
Of the fate that befell Red Adair
The lard in his veins
Caused cardiac strains Actually, he lived to be 89
That gave him and his mum quite a scare
I played on my violoncello
A tune that was soothing and mellow
It brought to my mind
A view, well-defined
Of a man with a lit cigarello
Don’t smoke when you visit this site
Our eyes will get clogged we can’t write
And lay off the booze
R'else we'll all start to snooze
So do nothing to make us up-tight
I don't rate this double-line stuff Too easy
I like it when the rhyme's tough
If I feel it's too easy
If the topic is cheesy
Yes, I like my limericks rough! Grr!
There's an isle in the southern Pacific
Its coordinates not quite specific
Latitude though is lazy
And longitude hazy
Worth getting there though - it's terrific
“My good man,” the Cannibal said,
"I think you'd go well with some bread"
"Please jump in this pot"
"Be careful, it's hot"
"And then simmer down 'til you're dead"
I've just told a whopping great lie
'Twill haunt me for ever, oh my
As I said to my Miss http://www.missworld.com/
It goes something like this
"For you, the Hope Diamond I'll buy"
There once was a cat called Sylvester
A birdie named Tweety he'd pester
Though bird meat is tasty
He swallowed too hasty
And in his belly the feathers did fester
A birdie ran past saying "Meep!"
Sped away from Wile E.'s fast jeep (An Acme Brand Mail order jeep, of course)
He ran over thin air
Using some Acme affair
A plot device which made me weep
As I think back on Tom and on Jerry
And how their antics made me merry
I find, on reflection
I've lost all affection
So have I gone grumpy? Yes, very.
The thing about Samurai Jack [Brilliant cartoon, highly recommended[
Is that when he'd prepare to attack
He could not find his sword
For he couldn't afford
A vorpal that went snicker-snack
When the wind blows from north by northwest
I always get very depressed
As the low-pressures form
Is nowt but a yawn dodgy, I know
'Xcept to forecasters, whom all detest. Dodgy???? Crap more like. ©H. Laurie. I dunno, man of your calibre. ©A A Hancock.
Just close your blue eyes and you’ll see
That everything's as dark as can be
For it seems that the sun
(Without which we're done)
Is no longer shining for free
Has Rupert Murdoch bought the sun to go with the newspaper of the same name then?
That's a good idea - a bonfire of his penny dreadfuls with him as the guy.
I've just bought some shares in the sun
With a lottery prize that I won
It's a hot property
Close by the sea
Which has vapourised. I've been done.
There's a barbecue stand in the South
Whose ribs will just melt in your mouth
'Cos they're made of toffee
And Polonium coffee
(A thticky thurprithe for your thpouthe)
The frenzy of Christmas has started
A mob to old Harrod's has darted
They'll empty their pockets
On Gadgets and Sprockets
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