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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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If I feel it's too easy
If the topic is cheesy
Yes, I like my limericks rough! Grr!
There's an isle in the southern Pacific
Its coordinates not quite specific
Latitude though is lazy
And longitude hazy
Worth getting there though - it's terrific
“My good man,” the Cannibal said,
"I think you'd go well with some bread"
"Please jump in this pot"
"Be careful, it's hot"
"And then simmer down 'til you're dead"
I've just told a whopping great lie
'Twill haunt me for ever, oh my
As I said to my Miss http://www.missworld.com/
It goes something like this
"For you, the Hope Diamond I'll buy"
There once was a cat called Sylvester
A birdie named Tweety he'd pester
Though bird meat is tasty
He swallowed too hasty
And in his belly the feathers did fester
A birdie ran past saying "Meep!"
Sped away from Wile E.'s fast jeep (An Acme Brand Mail order jeep, of course)
He ran over thin air
Using some Acme affair
A plot device which made me weep
As I think back on Tom and on Jerry
And how their antics made me merry
I find, on reflection
I've lost all affection
So have I gone grumpy? Yes, very.
The thing about Samurai Jack [Brilliant cartoon, highly recommended[
Is that when he'd prepare to attack
He could not find his sword
For he couldn't afford
A vorpal that went snicker-snack
When the wind blows from north by northwest
I always get very depressed
As the low-pressures form
Is nowt but a yawn dodgy, I know
'Xcept to forecasters, whom all detest. Dodgy???? Crap more like. ©H. Laurie. I dunno, man of your calibre. ©A A Hancock.
Just close your blue eyes and you’ll see
That everything's as dark as can be
For it seems that the sun
(Without which we're done)
Is no longer shining for free
Has Rupert Murdoch bought the sun to go with the newspaper of the same name then?
That's a good idea - a bonfire of his penny dreadfuls with him as the guy.
I've just bought some shares in the sun
With a lottery prize that I won
It's a hot property
Close by the sea
Which has vapourised. I've been done.
There's a barbecue stand in the South
Whose ribs will just melt in your mouth
'Cos they're made of toffee
And Polonium coffee
(A thticky thurprithe for your thpouthe)
The frenzy of Christmas has started
A mob to old Harrod's has darted
They'll empty their pockets
On Gadgets and Sprockets
I pers'nally think it's retarded
The weather's so mild it's absurd
Summer 06 last time it occurred (1906!)
The birds think it's spring
I just heard a lark sing
And then it flew off – just left a big turd
My cat has a habit I hate
She insists on licking my plate
So I'd better feed 'er
To my golden retriever
She’ll come out as a hairball, just wait
Whilst weaving a tissue of lies
I put on a falsified guise
like changing your name
To divert the blame
to those who can take the surprise
"Dear Sir, I am not one of those ! ",
It's just the way that I pose
True, my clothing is scanty
And what's more I'm anti-
panty, so please Sir take off all your clothes
Whilst picking my nose I did find Hanky
a bogie that did bring to mind - YOGF down hill as usual I see...
the meaning of life
And my lack of a wife
And the taste of well-chewed bacon rind.
Smoked Reindeer filet is not bad - (http://rudolf.moonestates.com/)
If it's Rudolph's though, its quite sad
Although I suppose
If it's made from what glows
To eat it at all would be mad. Polonium. Yummy!
Last time Rudolph powdered his nose,
He used polonium, so now it glows
So don't stand too close Weird rhythm, this one.
Or else your ten toes
May fall off, from a terminal dose.
At Christmas, we stop drinking Coke
Our licence to burp we revoke
Off licence, we drink
by the glass load we sink
Of eggnogs and beer ‘til we choke
The great poetaster revolt
It cannot go on. Call a halt.
Write of feelings sublime
About justice and crime
Or I'll pull and then fire my Colt
There was a young lad from St Erth
Who had a remarkable girth
His circumference showed
He bore a huge load
As if he was set to give birth
At last the new year has arrived
We awake, somewhat bleary eyed
Avoid the first-footers
Repel all crazed looters
Ensure superstition’s survived Enjoying a tasty New Years dish of Black-Eyed Peas! http://southernfood.about.com/library/weekly/aa123198.htm
Make a new resolution each day!
For example: "I plan to turn gay"
Or "Won't fart in bed"
"Pick my nose or see red"
Or "Finish dead limericks", say.
Attendance is starting to wane
We suffer continuous brain-drain
But its not all bad Clunky scansion there, Marc
Count your blessings; be glad
Of our rich verbal legerdemain.
With savoir faire, skill and panache
My boiled potatoes I mash
I'll fry eggs with flair
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