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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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And asked him to hail me a cab.
Hidden text[Raak], If I RECALL correctly, the name is actually Mary. Seriously, does she have three boobs? (Extra credit if you can tell me the source of my caption) Did my link not work? https://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EiylTqSAiaM
(KagShu) A 50% excess is unusual but not unique. Here's Monty Python from about 1969.
The chances of being immune
Are as slim as a snowflake in June
So before you get tested
Don't get arrested
Hidden text[Rosie: fun, but "Seriously, doe sshe have three boobs?" is from Legally Blo>nde: The Musical
That could ruin your whole afternoon
There's no sense in holding it back
Even though you may get the sack
Let them know what you think
That their policies stink Almost oblig.
And they should all be put on the rack. at a stretch
When working a day of CS
Hidden textThat's cee ess, or customer service.
Be sure to use words that impress
Don't snarl "Oh get stuffed!"
When your help is rebuffed
Your frustration you must suppress
The first of the Quarantine Years
Has brought many strong men to tears
They whimper and whine
When they misplace their spine
And mentally strip all their gears
This unmanly blub'rin' must cease!
Or else I shall call the police
Who should have a hanky
Wrapped up in a blankie
And syringes dispensing some peace
If it's boating that you want to do
Then the Suez Canal is for you!
It's level throughout
If you get stuck, just shout
There'll be a delay for a minute or two (or longer, perhaps)
While going through Teddington lock
I received a most terrible shock
I saw Hughie Green's ghost
- He was moored to a post!
Awaiting opportunity's knock.
Crisps all round!
Opportunity knocks but once, so
When it does you must get up and go
And lock that darn door
Behind you, before
You go joining the business of show.
Stop all the clocks for eight days
Stay in bed and just laze
Let oppo's go by
Dynamic? Not I
I'm not one for frenetic displays
Do you think that the time is yet ripe?
For a dog at your feet and a pipe
And a scarf round your neck
And slippers, by heck
I'd say no. It's just ageist tripe.
It seems that this shirt doesn't fit
'Cos I have expanded a bit
Chip butties for tea
Scoffed REG-u-lar-LY
Also mean that my trousers have split
Barkeep! Crisps all round!
I want to try is the cake that's called Jaffa
Does it come from the city called Kaffa?
Or must I search
In the crypt of a church
Or make do with something naffer.
The Oscars are here once again
Most of them go to the men
Though some may appear
To be without peer
I'd rate most as just two out of ten Mercy killing :-/
[Arch] you might like to have a look at this idiot guide for using HTML mark-up for your moves (etiquette prefers only one line per rhyme unless you're brilliant, don't care about etiquette or are providing a long-overdue cull). I've been using this for more than 15 years - it was made my one of the players on here. Very Basic Guide to HTML for playing on Mornington Crescent sites
And I even used it to make this hyperlink too :o)
[muttleee] I think that was a good rescue.
When winning a Darwin Award
A fool of yourself is assured
As you take yourself out
(Inflict your own clout)
Your non-reproduction's ensured.
I think I may be a bee
No, you aren't, honey, b'lieve me
Your yellow-black fuzz
And high-voltage buzz I reckon she's an electricity pylon dusted in slightly scorched custard. That fits all the data so far.
Is just a fault with your HT For those old enough to remember TV with tubes
When voting in local elections
Don't be bribed with tempting confections
'Though if I'd been offered
Cake from Ms. Crawford
I'd refuse on account of infections
It's an incontrovertible fact
That whatever you do you'll get sacked
So plan well in advance
For each circumstance
And hope that you won't get hacked
Eventually I'll get down the pub
And sit down with a pint and some grub
For convivial chatter
And a steaming hot platter
But the cost? Aye, there's the rub....
Stop rubbing my platter, you swine!
And get me a glass full of wine!
I need a drink
Because I'm on the brink
Of becoming seriously anodyne.
Although it was somewhat contrived
I wrote, "Then the dragons arrived."
I shoehorned it in
Wrong game, but no sin
However, I felt quite deprived
Let's start something fresh, I feel keen
And I'm tired of my normal routine
I'm gonna dress up
And drink from the cup
Filled to the brim with Poitín
I've filled up the tank with spud peelings
For the sake of my partner's green feelings
My exhaust smells like chips
On the shortest of trips
So poo to the oil giants' dealings
That's it! I'm off to the pub
To sit down with a pint and some grub
I'll talk to my friends
Of how I got The Bends
A gig at the Bachelors' Club
There's an old Irish saying, you know,
It blithers about yellow snow
But I don't understand
Isn't yellow snow sand?
It's uranium — eat it and glow!
neat
This June day will henceforth be called
"The Day I Began To Go Bald"
For 'tis sad to relate
That the dread chrome-dome state
Cannot any more be forestalled
clapclapclapclapclap
I think I'll invest in a hat
A topper? Or something more flat?
I'd like to convey Lovely metre and wording on the back half of that last one
That I'm no old roué
And have young, modern fashion down pat.
In fact, I was once called a fop
My gaudy cravats were de trop
So much so I became
A pantomime Dame
Emigrated, and now lead the GOP
A joke's a joke but that one is a f****** disgrace. © D Drogba.
I'm camp so I'll dress up in drag
And ponce round the house with a fag
I do this with Pride
But in fact, deep inside,
I desperately wave a white flag.
The daylength has now reached its min / The daylength has now reached its max
Hidden textTraditional solstice limerick, bifurcated to avoid the appalling and blatant hemisphericentricity that too often plagues these servers.
Enlightenment can now begin / And my carpets could do with a vax
O-ò-o-o-òmmm / There's nowt I like more
*deeper voice* O-ò-o-o-òmmm / Than a squeaky clean floor
Now the nights begin drawing in / And my rubbish neatly in sacks
[Software] Did you just restore the hemisphericentrism that (see my hidden comment) I worked so hard to eliminate??
The world seems to be upside-down
Kings are scorned, and their Fools wear the crown
So the knights, they draw in
Losing their will to win [Have to agree with CdM, Softers - not your best work]
No wonder - we're lead by a clown
I've had the most brilliant idea
Will somebody please hold my beer? Oh, one of those brilliant ideas…
'Cos I need both hands
To stem time's running sands Say it fast
Oh, hang on, now it's not very clear
It's about time we all upped our game
'Cause right now it's all so same-same
Has no-one the wit
To mix things up a bit ...choice of sentence finished or not alert...
We don't show our wit - that's a shame.
Please visit my new exhibition!
Of strange megafauna dentition!
We have here a cheetah
Who's quite an odd eater
And uses plants for ignition
I return to find nothing has changed
Even though I had plumbing arranged
One can't find the staff
After an hour and a half
No wonder I'm getting deranged
A diplodocus trampled my lawn
One Tuesday, just before dawn
It won't need a trim
So I'm keeping him
In the shed with my pet unicorn
The good folk of Newton-le-Willows
Have an annual fight with soft pillows
They stand on the hill
And enjoy the thrill
(It's one of their few peccadilloes)
While singing a lewd roundelay
I felt all my cares drift away
I stripped off my hose
Which assaulted my nose
Well that's enough for today
There's nothing as bad as a cold
Except leprosy, grot, and brain mould
And don't forget mumps
Or down in the dumps
Or let's be frank just getting old
We haven't the time for my party?
We're busy being arty and farty
Well, the latter, at least
And our output's increased
As we read aloud from Jean-Paul Sarty
Mercy Killing
I went down to Tesco's today
For reasons I'd better not say
Suffice it to tell
There was quite a pell-mell
Hidden textAll bucks passed to the final line
As Security took me away.
Hidden textCan't be told, can be dodged.
[RtG] I like how you retained the shroud of mystery

And now I must pay for my crimes!

Viewed so heinously in these changed times!
But when ah were a lad
No one thought it bad
Now they do (at least in these climes).
But I ask: "Is it really so bad
To be, like me, such a cad?"
Self-improvement's my creed
I don't spill my seed
Or blame all this nonsense on Dad
I once shared a cell with a felon
Who had tried to violate a melon
He wasn't right in the head
At least that's what they said
I tore him limb from limb, like Ganelon.
There was a young lady from Cheam
Who'd always take one for the team
If carefully sliced Only one? For a whole team? Seems a bit stingy to me. But OFC it depends how big it is.
It became at least twiced
Sextupled if smothered in cream
It's time I went out for a drink
So I can act daft, and not think
About life's lack of meaning
And the cost of dry cleaning
The thing that I found in my sink
The end times are on us, I fear
Beginnings are no longer near
The locusts, the plague
The busts of Earl Haig
And Brexit is costing us dear
I'm thinking of taking a stand
Canute-like, upon the sea strand
On account of a bet
(The debt must be met)
Accompanied by a brass band.
I'm now hooked on this new TV show
It has arrows and flights - and a bow
It's not 'Golden Shot'
Or 'Black Which You Pot'
It's "Up To The Oche You Go"!
Hidden textI I didn't think of "Bullseye" or Jim Bowen during writing this line. No, not once.
[S, C, S, R, B] Perfection.
Why don't we all head for the beach
Where the mermaids they sing, each to each
Their sweet harm-o-nee
Tempting men of the sea
But beware! Stay out of their reach!
I think you all know what I meant
Concerning a recent event
My context was implicit
So next time I visit
I’ll come, and I’ll see, and I’ll went.
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