mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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They have excellent taste in good beer

They just lap it up

From a saucer or cup

Curl up and just disappear

The haggis, a curious beast

Turns dinner into a feast

with offal and bran

Yourrr auld Scottish gran

Will make it all rise with some yeast

You can see by the cut of his jib

That he clearly will not ad lib

Those "Fnarrs"! and those "Errrs"

"In the script!" he avers

"To say otherwise is a fib"

You can tell by the look in her eye

That the lady is ever so shy

She's sweet and demure

But her mind is manure the light linen duster coat, ta

You would think she was born in a sty.

You could say she was destined to fly

(Even though, manifestly, you lie)

She seems to have wings

And other nice things

But too great a liking for pie (Sigh) It's like the sad tale of Mavis the Fairy all over again.

(Only with pie rather than cake.)

If cake is your bag, just look here

It is gluten-free, have no fear

And there's zero lactose

Sugar free, I 'spose Tricky rhyme, there

And a glass of no-alcohol beer.

My hair grows ever longer

Surely a glow worm?

My hair grows ever longer
But falls out just as fast
I'll beat upon the conga
Until I breathe my last.

(Superman) 'Kinell. It is, isn't it.

My hair seems to grow ever longer

But my body just doesn't get stronger

So, Sampson I'm not

And Delilah is rot

Can it get any wronger?

I like to eat spinach with jam

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Not really

Far better than Marmite with spam

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Urk!

But jellied eel mousse

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Getting grosser here . . . )

Just makes the bowel loose

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So they say

I'm a slave to my guts, that I am.

But I love strawberry jam with my cheese

'Tis a consumation sure to please

But not ev'rybody

is Passamaquoddy

Who eat it while shooting the breeze.

I shot at the breeze and I missed

And the breeze is now royally pissed

"I'll blow your house down"

It said, with a frown

Til I asked it to kindly desist

My arrow is caught in a tree

And my grapeshot has not made it free

My petard is hoist

My powder is moist

And my peashooter - it lacks a pea.

*applause*
That should be exhibited immediately in the showcase game.

The thunder is getting quite near

I'd better finish off my beer

For this heat and this weather

Ruffle many a feather

With a large bolt of lightning, I fear

Hat off. Another winner

Ye Gods! What a bang! That was close!

It made me yell, "Great Caesar's Ghost!"

But try not to fret

It's not over yet

You've still got to butter the toast

The smell of hot crumpet with butter

Will cause a curmudgeon to mutter

"How gruntled I feel!" Resisting the temptation to put "gruntled" at the end of the line.

"This is not quite a meal"

But the prospect still makes my heart flutter

Cream cheese on a bagel is better

Though I much prefer to use feta

While some like ricotta

I think that you oughta

Feed that lot to the nearest red setter (The weirdest dog breed I've ever come across.)

A strange dog, you see, is the Puli

Think Dougal (though not so unruly)

And the magical thing

Is one gets them to sing

By kicking them in the left goolie.
Demonstration event at Crufts

A sudden change in the weather

Can motivate me to wear leather True

Then, astride my Hog

Radox The Green

I ride into the fog

Adorned with a large ostrich feather

When it rains down bricks and mortar

There's one thing that you oughta

Never ever do (KagShu) Earthquake, tornado?

Lock yourself in the loo Let's get this moving.

And pointlessly call for a porter

Immunity, so I have heard,

Is a highly politicised word

Especially for Trump

An idiot chump (Rosie) Probably tornadoes in Hurricane Laura

Whose IQ was somehow deferred

If your trombone is blocked up with crud (KagShu) Mmm, nasty. Hope the bits missed you.

The best thing is to fill it with mud

Apply moderate heat

Till the tone becomes sweet

Then clear it all out with a thud

If you like reading adventure novels

Or Dickensian books set in hovels

Then I've got just the thing:

(It's written by Sting)

As for his fans he grovels

Radox The Green

Hey! Here's some terrific advice

If your clock is infested with mice

Wait until it strikes one

They'll have no more fun

The tone, their brains will splice

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H/T Pinky and the Brain

Rosie - was already evacuated for Laura and saw my city basically damaged by it when I first wrote that and n ow Delta has hit my city, too. I was still evacuated, so I'm safe

I've heard there's a brand new vaccine

To protect us from Covid-19 I wish

But there is a small catch

You'll lose all your thatch

And your privates will glow lurid green. oblig.

Eating chicken soup as a cure

Radox The Green

Is common in Jewish culture

But the Catholics swear

By the head of a bear

And its testicles just to be sure

I'm determined to start a fresh rhyme

Though a challenging task for a mime

He can't say a thing

Though his limbs he may swing

For to learn ASL takes some time.

As he ran like the wind to the border

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No idea what this is about.

Before Brexit to place his last order

He wished that he had

Stayed in Ahmedabad

With his wife, (where he couldn't afford 'er)

As I sailed in my boat on the briny

My toddlers got seasick and whiny

So I sent them aloft

To work on a croft

They didn't do much; they're too tiny

Do you really think it is OK

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As for the penultimate one, I _still_ don't know what it was about.

To start a new lim'rick this way?

Choose one: YES or NO

And don't vacillate so

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