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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated
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And so it begins....
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Raak
On spacefaring barges
Superman
So he hides - but they find him at will!
Stevie
In an X-wing outbound for the Death Star
Software
I was munching on a Mars® bar
Superman
When the Admiral said
Pablo
"Right - full steam ahead!"
Marc
Then we crashed into Star Alcazar
Bismarck
My august predecessor once said,
Pablo
"If you don't make a million, you're dead"
Stevie
Now I sell p3n1z p1llz
Superman
Made of porcupine quills
Marc
Will you test them tonite in your bed...?
Marc
"Dear Sir, I am not one of those"
Tuj
"Correspondents whose flowery prose"
penelope
Obfuscates my true meaning
Raak
My gist needs no gleaning
Rosie
It hits you right there, on the nose.
Pablo
My new novel will be out next week
Phil
For a giggle, I wrote it in Greek
Marc
And I used pseudonym
Sinnerella
Jakob Ludwig Karl Grimm
!J K Rowling
But the press let my real name leak.
Stevie
Christ almighty this bad weather sucks!
penelope
You'd think that El Niño's in flux!
Software
Snow, hail and fog
Raak
It's not fit for a dog
Bismarck
It's the fault of those pesky Canucks.
The Man In Black
My moped won't start, so these chocs
Kim
Won't stay very long in their box
penelope
A sweet compensation
Pablo
For utter frustration
Superman
With a martini, stirred, on the rocks.
Marc
Mister Bond with a license to kill
Simons Mith
Took position on top of Box Hill
Software
His Sig Sauer set ready
Pablo
His aiming arm steady
Raak
He knows there is no better thrill.
penelope
When it gales I'll mither and gall
mis-using word types wild
Software
The mizzle will bother and fall
Bismarck
While rainth and sleetch fail
Simons Mith
It's time for the shail!
Rosie
And the frog shall obscure parts of Gaul.
Stevie
This coffee I made tastes like paint
Raak
And just a slight trace of boar taint
Rosie
I should have used water
penelope
'Cos it clogs my aorta
Pablo
Can I sit down? I feel faint
Rosie
This paint I've just mixèd tastes sour
gil
I hope it won't spoil happy hour
Marc
Lemon juice is the base
Raak
With TiO
2
paste
Bismarck
And
bleach and brake fluid
for power.
Pablo
With my tins of paint I make art
Stevie
With my jars of jam I make a tart
Kim
For my name's Jackson Pollock
Raak
And with my third bollock
Rosie
I'll redirect every fart.
Bismarck
Here's a few of my favourite things
Software
Suckers and contracts with strings
It's the Trump in me coming out
Pablo
This ball of blue wool
Rosie
This pint glass that's full
Marc
And a nice poker hand with five Kings.
Marc
Have you heard the sensational news
Raak
There's a tax to be placed upon pews!
Stevie
A surcharge on the kneelers
Rosie
No discount for dealers
Software
So whatever you do, you will lose
Pablo
I hear that they plan to tax farts
In honour of the government of my home nation, who several decades back proposed a fart tax on cows because of their methane emissions. Carn the Kiwis!
penelope
And use it to pro
mote
the arts
Superman
We'll be arty as hell
Rosie
Despite the foul smell
oblig.
Kim
Emanating from our nether parts.
Bismarck
My kiwi is acting all strange
Stevie
Could be myxomatosis or mange
Simons Mith
I don't think it's rickets
Raak
Or harassment by prickets
Marc
More likely it's sex interchange.
Marc
I've been thinking of you ever since
Kim
You showed me those black and white prints
Software
Nostalgic it was
penelope
To remember, because
Pablo
They're before all those crap pastel tints
Raak
I remember that back in the day
Stevie
The catchphrase that people would say
Kim
Was "splash it all over!"
Marc
"Have a roll in the clover!"
Simons Mith
Or "Go ahead, punk, make my day."
Stevie
Nice one all. Simons Mith wins the internet.
Rosie
I spoke to the fellow in charge
Raak
About hiring a quinquireme barge
Juxtapose
He told me his boat
Software
Would just about float
Marc
And the slaves came without turbocharge.
Marc
When you're rowing make sure you've got oars
Tuj
Or you'll struggle to get to new shores
Superman
To the oars, add a boat
Rosie
One with rowlocks, please note
penelope
And some friends who can help - eights or fours
Kim
While trying to seduce Doris Day
Stevie
You were punched by Rock Hudson, you say?
Raak
It was all in good fun
Marc
I was dressed as a nun
Software
And everyone knows that he's gay
Pablo
At a hog roast I met Steve McQueen
Stevie
Where I told him his hog looked piss green
Software
So he took me aside
Marc
Said: "You'd better go hide,"
Killer
"Or I'll rip out and swallow your spleen."
Stevie
Hidden text
I guess no-one wanted to play into the double meaning of "hog roast"
While watching the
Titanic
sink
Raak
I thought, "What I need's a stiff drink."
Simons Mith
So leave out the ice
Superman
And don't mind the price
Marc
Singing "Nearer, My God, to Thee", I think.
Marc
Raise your voice let us all sing along
Pablo
As the world goes to hell, sing this song:
Kim
"Toodle-oo, toodle-ay",
Raak
"Zippa-do-dah, de-ay"
Software
But it won't stop things going wrong
Bismarck
If you sing "Rule Britannia" off-key
penelope
You'll upset the world order, you see
Marc
So you'd better shut up
Pablo
And just drink a cup
Stevie
Of thick, brown, lukewarm NAAFI tea
Pablo
Gadzooks! Odds bods! Lack-a-day!
Stevie
I was just now outbid on ebay!
Software
The thing that I want
Raak
Pour ma fille débutante
Juxtapose
Was sniped, but that's fine - I can't pay.
Rosie
I talk to the trees, but in vain
Tuj
I get blanked (is that planked?), in the main
Marc
Though one answer I've got
Pablo
Is that they all talk rot
Stevie
Ooh! Must run! It's the Whitecoats again!
Pablo
The voice in my head said last night
Superman
"You ain't Einstein, now would I be right?"
KagomeShuko
For all of the thinkin'
Raak
And smokin' and drinkin'
Marc
Deceive me to think that I'm bright.
penelope
P, S, Ks, R, M - splendid.
Whenever there's lightning about
Software
Your golf club do not wave about
Bismarck
For Zeus hates the game
Raak
And you'll be to blame
KagomeShuko
When you've been reduced to grout.
Stevie
When it's cold up at 'mill, then it's time
Pablo
To drink a large lager and lime
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