mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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(That's a trick I despise)

Said "No, here's some pot you can smoke."

I say! What a hideous hat!

What on earth possessed you to wear that?

'Snot a hat, it's a mitre

And it feels so much lighter

Pope Marc the second

Than the halo i wear in the Vat'...

It is Friday and life is so good

Can't be bothered to work, though I should

I'll sneak out to the pub

For a pint and some grub

And drink more than I normally would

An evening in front of the telly

A South Bank Show rerun (George Melly)

A pizza, some beers

Then a rerun of Cheers

And a great rumbling sound in my belly

A protesting voice I must raise

Against your lascivious gaze

My face is up here

So please transfer that leer

To a smile that confirms my boobs you praise

[Marc] I think you were too keen to get your boobs into that last line. I can imagine you're proud of them, but I think you could have tried harder to make them fit. Shocking scansion there, miss.

There was a young fellow from Hull pronounciation ad lib

Who thought that the place was too dull

So he signed on a ship [pen] Yes, I think you are right, there’s much too few lines about boobs nowadays

Donned a pink, silken slip

That would show off his boobs to the full

While donning my pads, gloves and box

Hidden text

Cricket, if you're confused.

I was shocked when I found my boll-ocks If you can't beat 'em, join em, eh Marc, you mysoginistic arse?

Though my jockstrap is big[pen] I know you are rude and now you have proven to be ignorant and stupid as well, what a pity

It's stuffed with my wig

A banana and two pairs of socks

[Marc] If you must post smut (which, it seems, is all that you have to offer) at least be decent enough to make it rhyme and scan. It's probably too much to ask for it to be interesting, clever or funny as well.

A true sanctimonious mind,

Isn't needed - you'd have to be blind u.s.a.

Or denying the truth

To not know what is couth

So let's all be nice and refined

Refinement, I have it in spades

Hidden text

I fucking do.

Well, at least if I look through my shades

I'll see Rosie's demure

And raise it to 'pure'

As she wafts through the sun-dappled glades.

Again, poor Rosie's changed sex

Was it drugs and the knife, or a hex?

No, it's all in the mind

Though it's still undefined

But not if I lower my kecks.

Hidden text

Look away NOW.

I'm thrilled with the latest advance

In captivity, they've bred a Wild Pants

It is white with red spots

You can play 'join the dots'

Though its parents may well look askance.

In Midsomer a man has been shot

There it happens more often than not

It's a great place to die

'neath a clear English sky

Do I really think so? Not a lot.

Thank god! Morse and Lewis are here! Netflix Binge declared.

So tremble, ye villains, with fear!

For Oxford is filled

With forensically skilled

And detectives that drink lots of beer

Oh well played everyone! Crisps all round!

And as for Inspector Jack Frost

I fear that his marbles are lost

Though when bending the rules

And suffering fools

That old bridge too far he had crossed.

When you sit on the rail breaking wind (A nice sailing trip anyone?)

Having drunk too much beer that is tinned

Spare a thought for the mate

As you shamelessly deflate

Though my nose and my bum are thick skinned.

While sorting the junk in my loft

The rafters felt distinctly soft

When I trod on a joist

I felt something moist

That gave way the moment I coughed

"It's a very fine object," *cough cough*

It's starting, though, to go off (gough ough)

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