mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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But when playing the flute

You just give a quick toot

and blow (but you'll be out of tune)

My tax return's well overdue

But HMRC, they can stew

The money I owe

For my 'petite Chateau'

Has been spent on a cruise. Toodle-oo!

Last night as I went to 'de loo

An owl in the dark said "too-woo"

If you're hoping to pee

Please don't wee over me

Or I'll spray you with my number two. ( thanks, Mother)

Last night, as I dreamt of my beau

My face was suffused with a glow

'Twas not mere desire

Hidden text

'Twas the ceiling afire, World war two era wiring, you know

Not til it's done.

That kindled my fire

'Twas the treasure concealed down below.

Last night as I grouted some tiles

I tested my masculine wiles

Hidden text

So this is unlikely to end well.

I said to my wife

Please pass me that knife

She stabbed me, but I was all smiles. Muahahahahaha!

Last night I was out of my wits

As I searched the bird-table for tits

All I found was some seed

And something to read It's a bit nippy out, I will take a coat if you don't mind...

-in the chaos of life, it all fits.

This bright Monday morning I'm on

Benzedrine. I'd take more, but they're gone.

Still, life is just dandy

Cos I took them with brandy or shandy

For synergistifica-shon.And rather poor rhythm.

I can think - I can read - I can write

My classification is "bright"

But I just can't do sums

So I'm put with the dumbs

Which I think of as rather a slight.

Top marks for the last one!
But you're boring, you're boring as hell

You're up there with Wisty, E. L.

You drone on and on

'Til all sentience is gone

What is left is just unpleasant smell...

What a pain to have bagged the first line again

For some that's a terrible strain

It challenges the wits

And is very annoying following Software's lead

But turns out alright in the end

There was a young man of Dundee
Who was stung on the neck by a wasp
When asked if it hurt
He replied "Not a bit,
It can do it again if it likes"

One of my favourites. And now, back to our usual program...

How much do you want for that horse?

(I can see you have "Foxhunt Remorse")

Shall we say thirty quid?

That's my last final bid

(three dots and sev'n dashes in Morse).

Huzzah! Pop'n'crisps all round!

"Excuse me", I said to this bloke

"Can you lend me a bob for a coke?"

He looked in my eyes

(That's a trick I despise)

Said "No, here's some pot you can smoke."

I say! What a hideous hat!

What on earth possessed you to wear that?

'Snot a hat, it's a mitre

And it feels so much lighter

Pope Marc the second

Than the halo i wear in the Vat'...

It is Friday and life is so good

Can't be bothered to work, though I should

I'll sneak out to the pub

For a pint and some grub

And drink more than I normally would

An evening in front of the telly

A South Bank Show rerun (George Melly)

A pizza, some beers

Then a rerun of Cheers

And a great rumbling sound in my belly

A protesting voice I must raise

Against your lascivious gaze

My face is up here

So please transfer that leer

To a smile that confirms my boobs you praise

[Marc] I think you were too keen to get your boobs into that last line. I can imagine you're proud of them, but I think you could have tried harder to make them fit. Shocking scansion there, miss.

There was a young fellow from Hull pronounciation ad lib

Who thought that the place was too dull

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