mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

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And so it begins....

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For convention it cared not a fig

For instance, its snout

would run like a spout

And its butt was enormously big.

While preparing my sugar cured ham

I thought I would use damson jam

'Tis both piquant and sweet

And I do love to eat

Jam-ham a-la damson, by damn!

While watching a Colin Firth flick

He started to get on my wick

His monotonous voice

Reading novels by J a m e s J o y c e

Make a portrait of me being sick [Marc] Just "Joyce" would have scanned better, perhaps?

I don't want to get out of bed

I'd rather stay tucked in instead

Being all safe and warm

And farting a storm

Leaving blankets and sheets widely spread.

As the autumnal mists descend

O'er the lea the kine their slow way wend

The ploughman homeward plods

While worshiping his Gods

And leaves the world to darkness m'friend...
http://www.poetsgraves.co.uk/Classic%20Poems/Gray/elegy_written_in_a_country_churc.htm

Oh goody, more fog o'er the land

So thick that you can't see your hand as people say....

Don't use your fog lights would seem to be the rule, especially for silver or grey cars

And don't dress in whites

But drive home at 60 as planned

As a senior player I think,

Young Rosie should give up the drink

Such libelous chat

Ignores the fact that

He's not drite the thunk that you quink

I once had a wee dram too much

The courage it gave me was Dutch

Hidden text

Hello, pen.

I confronted a copper

And riled him up proper

By booting his hat into touch

But now I am perfectly merry

'cause I'm soaking my muesli in sherry

I have gin with my chips

And a song on my lips

That I learnt from a young Mary Berry

I pogoed again, down the road

Jumping just like a green, horny toad

Quite why, I don't know

But it does go to show

With long springy legs I'm bestowed

"Up, up and away!" the man cried

"Gravity, it shall be defied"

With a mighty great leap

He collapsed in a heap

Levitated - and finally died...

I could do that just one more time

But this time perform it in mime

With music by Sting

Or Wag-n-er's ring

Or "Buddy, can you spare a dime?"

I have no idea what this could

have been meant to do, nor what it would

But I think that it might

expire by tonight

unless otherwise stated - stay for good.

If it is dark during the day

[Gietrud] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting
Giertrud - If it remains dark in the day
Penelope - There'll no chance for us to make hay

[penelope] Excuse me, but I think your metre needs adjusting:
penelope - There'll be no chance for us to make hay
Stevie - Then again, I'm no farmer

But still quite a charmer

Hidden text

Believe that, you'll believe anything.

And I lay the damsels - if they pay...

The wine of the day is Chablis

But waiter! My soup! There's a flea!

On my spoon there's a bug!

There's a wasp in my mug

I wonder what lurks in the brie?

The beast in the cheese is extinct

But the rat in the crackers just winked!

And the worm in the peas

Has knobbly knees

So I wonder: Is L.S.D. linked?

[Stevie et al.] Jolly well done!

Dear Jedi, I'm writing this note:

I think we should all have a vote

About using the Force

(Caref'ly of course)

Or a bucket to bail out this boat

[Pablo] "Force" was an unkind rhyme to offer another

Be gentle when off'ring a rhyme

No oranges please; it's a crime

And please let it scan

Just as well as it can

Then forever will bells and gongs chime!

I have planned to take up my qi gong

And this, I don't think, is too wrong

My hara is sound

And both feet on the ground

I can feel there's new blood in my dong.

Mister Wong in your eyes I can see

That though old, you stand firm as a tree

'Acupuncture' you say

Is why you stay

[Software] Might it be "the reason" instead of "why"?

up all night on just one cup of tea.

A buxom showgirl from Brazil (trad)

Said her boobs had got valves for refill

The left dispensed beer

But the right looked quite queer

And t'would only produce rancid swill

Red Barrel, Red Barrel,
Red Barrel men said "the same again"
Took a fistful of flavour
First class beer!

[Stevie] I'm considering buying this glass and installing it in my local as "Phil's glass", for purely ironic purposes, as the pub has dozens of CAMRA awards.

[Phil] Sweet Theakston's on a Bike! That's an ugly glass without the logo!

Last night as I sat in the snug

A banking clerk gave me a hug

So not every banker

Is riddled with rancour

But was nevertheless very smug

In a small pub in Cornwall I found

Some scrumpy for under a pound

This dangerous tipple

Rots the brain, so UKIP'll Not to be opened until the end.

Hidden text

Be buying ev'ry voter a round.

Make sure that the Union is drowned...

"Mister Nigel, I think you are wrong,"

Claiming 'Arbeit macht frei' was a song
That the Nazis once sang
When a Jew they had hang
And that Cameron now sings along

It's December and Santa's awake [New Deal]Why not try http://www.rab.org.uk/mc/mc.php?tid=138#bottom ?

to the fraudsters and makers of fake unifini..

X-Box Ones, PS4s

And it sure gives him pause unfinity or thinks

to think of these crooks on the make.

My old Van Der Graaf's on the blink

With a megavolt spark that is pink

It's stopped making static

Its behaviour's erratic

And the noise... you can't hear yourself think!

Is there some sort of shindig next week?

If so, then the outlook is bleak

I've maxed out my card

From the pub I've been barred

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