mc5 - The Obligatory Limericks Game Reincarnated

I outgrabe like a mome rath

Tuj

But my feeling of whimsy

Was fleeting and flimsy forcing attempt denied

irach

As I fled from the borogove path

I once lunched in Stow-on-the-Wold

My starter was greasy and cold

The main course inedible

The bill was incredible

And the walls were all covered in mold. Sorry about that not finishing last time. I guess one should not play when one is extremely tired, even if for odd reasons, one cannot sleep.

nights

I once gave a farmer a lift [Phil] I am insulted! The Strasbourgeois are lots of fun!

He just had some garlic, and whiffed

I deployed my ejector

To a vertical vector [nights] I'm sure they are, given the quantity of beer brewed there. I was simply struggling for a rhyme :-)

Then launched into orbit quite swift…

Tomorrow the Moon will return

From its weekend out with Saturn

nights

While the moon was away Excuses, excuses... :)

The earth did decay

Projoy

So perhaps it is best to adjourn?

There's nothing as fast as a cheetah

So says my feline speed-o-meter

Quendalon

But if you want slow

(So slow it don't show) internal rhyme alert...

Watch lichen — a sloth record-beater.

Today, I am dyeing. It's black... (re-dying faded black clothes black)

As a glass of black mild Nutty Slack

Its minute albedo

gil

Is just right for sado- ...that was a tricky one, Rosie.

-lin, Matching my nice Chapeau Claque.

(gil) Yeah, a bit clever-clever, but there's speedo, libido, paedo, lido, credo, Toledo.

All my clothes have been eating by moths

And my shoes have been slothing by sloths Making a feature out of the quirk of KS's line

And as for my hats

They're all nested by bats

So they think I've been haunting by Goths

We are what we eat we have heard

So I'm mostly tomatoes and curd

And I'm a nice curry

I eat in a hurry

And for me, olives are the last word

Quendalon

The practice of oenomancy

Is one that the Romans did fancy

By sharing a cask

An enquirer could ask

Which actions were safe and which chancy

A strapping young fellow named Clancy

When working the clubs was called Nancy

He strapped while she stripped

And flopped while he flipped

For the clients who all took his fancy

That all-soft'ning o'erpowering knell

Means you're on a journey to Hell Not you, m'dear.

Slip into the mire

To a fate that is dire

And our trip down the hill ´s going swell.

There's a gap in my force-field of love

Through which demons and succubi shove

It's a worm-hole of lust

And romance turns to dust

Which flies to the clouds up above.

This journey could go on forever

And is surely not worth the endeavor

For when we arrive

From a very long drive

There's been a change in the weather

There's a feeling - or is it just me? -

That this verse will stop dead at line three

I'm not one to doubt.

Tuj

If I reincarnate as a puffin

I'll mulishly call myself Muffin

On the island of Lundy

My partner and me

Botherer

Will nest-build from navels with fluff in.

We have heard that the winner takes all [T, R, R, S, B]Excellent, free drinks tonight!

But don't fret should the wealth start to gall

Cash can't bring you joy

Unless you're called Roy

But it's better than bugg*r all

[Softers] If I may be so bold - you are significantly short-syllabled and arrhythmic in both your last entries .. thought you'd sussed this game by now ;-)

Inner lining

Marc - The Scansion-class this Fall semester

Will be taken by the head jester [Chalks] I disagree, it does work.

The Rhymer's a clown

The jester will frown

At the way that these matters obsessed her.

Hidden text

It's a jestess.

Jestess

All our efforts to set the bar higher [Softers] Hope we can agree to disagree. ;-)

have us jumping from skillet to fire

Where we are consumed (Funny Girl) You're right. I'll have a word with him next time he's over.

All pedants presumed [Chalks] Naturally :o)

Class dismissed and now also ceasefire.

Debate is a most healthy thing

At the Darby and Joan Club in Tring

It helps them stay young

And grease up their tongue

So with their friends they can swing

In Somerset, Dorset and Devon

They're always in bed by eleven

But the people of Hants

Are just putting on pants

And they won't be back home until seven

In the flat agricultural east

All cult'ral activity has ceased

The turnips are ready

So tasty but thready

Fit neither for man nor for beast

So The Ashes will grind to an end

With rain being England's best friend

And Broady and Swann

Tuj

Turn their sprinklers on

As they've more than a penny to spend No takers all week? Ah well.

While spending an evening in Kettering (Chalky) We can lose with grace, but not win.

Perfecting my copperplate lettering

I blotted my book

(As the locals say,"fook!")

Putting paid to my hopes for its bettering.

My computer has not crashed today

Unusual for Windows®, they say

And although I'm pleased

I know if I sneezed

My screen would collapse and turn grey...

Good morning all poets it's time

To celebrate autumn in rhyme

Write of 'mellow' and 'fruit'

And rabbits to shoot

With apples to pick in their prime

But what do you say of the rain?

Well, it's wet and it goes down the drain

It hangs out in pools I thought 'puddles' would be too hard to rhyme. You're welcome

And obeys fluid rules

Before long it will come back again.

The rain in Spain, so they say

Mainly falls on the plain every day

But the Sierra Nevada Some very dubious climatology here.

(the one in Granada)

Is fine all year round, so "Olé!"

While enjoying a Café au Lait

I was asked, "Are you well?". I said "Très!"

Mais le cuillère est bent

Et la tasse 'as une dent - just googled le cuillère to check my schoolgirl french. Ooh la kama sutra la!

Mais le goût, je vous dis, est OK.

*applauds*

*Applauds the limerick; winces at the Franglais*

[Phil] Then I reckon we need more practice...
Aujourd 'hui, le naming de parts

comme les fruits pour le making of tarts

Will commence avec plum

Bien sur, mon ol' chum

Mais ils font tous nos dents plutôt schwartz Aha! See what I did there.

Heddlu'r llinell

Demain machen wir ein gateau

Mor drwm â'r Tibetan Plateau (Welsh) "as heavy as the".

Ik heb een gros pain

Horror vacui my brain

Und el pastel est dans my zapato

Enough now let's get back to work

Said the dull-witted jobsworth from Chirk

Then off went th'alarm My Dad's from near Chirk.

At 5 on the farm

So he got himself up with a jerk

The jerk I got up with today

Is not worth the money I pay

He costs seventeen pence

I must have no sense

I hope he'll just go away

The mocking the trainspotter suffers

In anorak stood by the buffers

The trains passing by

See the young 'spotter cry

"What's 'Get a life!' mean, you duffers?"

Young Pablo just timed to perfection

His disdain for social rejection

He avoided a snub

But this is the rub

And we offer him full time protection.

Today I think I will shuffle

My coats - both trench and duffle [Chalky] young???

- graze the floor as I walk

And muffle my talk

And fill my big mouth with fine truffle.

Glanting rain and sprale winds are forecàst

In Zeroia the land of my past

Where spallion fields grow

Fine cronx in the snow

And my abras are blooming at last.

Her knickers were bloomy and pink

I smiled, she laughed with a wink.

And as she bent down

A fart rent her gown

irach

And that's what's done drove me to drink

Campari, Pernod, Gin and Whisky

All in a pint glass rather risky

Add a few whites of eggs

To stiffen the dregs

Scoff it down, and feel rather frisky

Your challenge this Tuesday is thus:

Take a flock of wild geese on the bus.

When you reach Euston Square

Disembark with a pair

As the others quack "What about us?" bugger me, talking geese.

The students in British Lit

Should study the format a bit! K-S - you're a syllable short, m'dear!!

The syntax and grammar

Cause newbies to stammer

Plus most think that Shakespeare is shit.

There once was a Viking called Jeff

Who chiselled the first letter F

When faced with the second

Distraction soon beckoned

And instead of Jeff, he was Jef.

Hidden text

Hey, Edward Lear always used the same ending word for the first and last lines of his limericks.

An orthodox rabbi called Skuld

Discovered his cocoa had cooled

He said to Verðandi

Your blowtorch comes handy

But it's strange that it is bejeweled.

Your challenge this Tuesday is this:

To be pleasant to your little sis

But as for your brother

Your father and mother,

Just carry on taking the piss.

There once was a man from the States

Named Billy - but he had No Mates

Except for Tim Nice

irach

And Leontyne Price

Which kind of restricted his dates

A tale of forbidden papayas It was the idea of a restricted date that got me thinking on these lines

And lovers in heat on the playas

Gave way to the sun

Which ruined the fun

This UV is just sent to try us.

Your challenge this Tuesday is risky

To make it to lunch without whisky

And restrain your desires

To start small office fires

And entice the young temps to be frisky.

On Wednesday the sun will go nova

We'll be done to a crisp; it's Game Over

So let's party all week

Give our fun cells a tweak

And spend the final few moments in clover

My teeth are all falling apart They are.

They're going to hell in a cart

So chewing's a chore

And biting's a bore

It sucks being such an old fart

Elizabeth

Being a New-comer, I am always seeking online for articles that could assist me. Many thanks! %KW% Elizabeth http://adw7.ru/user/izlxybtidbt/

Inner lining

Marc - There once was a most thankful Russian

Whose life was once saved by a Prussian

But along came a Spaniard

In a style most maññered

And Olé! El Ruso was blushin'.

Sir Cornelis Maartenszoon Tromp

Was the first to cross Zuiderzee Swamp

But his dugout canoe

Sprang a leak, maybe two

But he got there and arrived in some pomp. well, with a name like that....

I've discovered a whizzo new game

I just need to think up a name

There's only one rule:

You must play like a fool,

And never make two moves the same.

I suggest that we start with this line,

"There was an old man of Loch Fyne"

And then for the second,

A rhyme which is reckoned

Would be absolutely divine!

Allow me

The Doctor's re-written the past

And Who else but he could recast

But the Great Originator

Mom

Or the grim terminator

(We're desperate to make this series last)

There once was a cool desperado

Who claimed t'have written The Mikado

On the opening night [Rosie] I'd have put the "'t" next to Mikado

Ann

He just started to fight

With a G & S afficionado

(Kim) I had no particular reason to imply boreality. Isn't this sound really just a glottal stop attached t'' previous word? You can't really alter title o'' work. There ought to be a symbol for it.

Christmas is upon us

'Oh no it's not!' we shout Oh no it's not.

oh poop. I've glow-wormed rather than limericked. Ignore my post.

"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus It was glow-wormed from the start

Moniker

Software - Now Christmas is soon upon us
Penelope - 'Oh no it is not!' what's the fuss
Raak - "'Tis! 'tis!" all in chorus
Santa - My brains may be porous
Moniker - I refuse these five lines to discuss.

Or:
Christmas is upon us
"Oh no it's not!" we shout
"'Tis! 'tis!" responds the chorus
So that all came to nowt

There once was a Limerick class,

For the bad rhyme and rhythm dumbass

When it came to the test

They duly confessed

'Twas unlikely their scansion would pass

Inspired by the moon, as I am

To snort and to rut like a ram

On this cloudy night

I gave Boris a fright

And stole his tart filled with yam.

Hidden text

Not a great line but...

Today is the day when it's done

I've dared be tattooed with a pun

This indelible mark

Is a jolly good lark

And a tribute to my only sun

Jacob the Third from Dunlevy

Drove round the block in his Chevvy

His miles-per-gallon

Hidden text

Broke this small poem

Hidden text

And now it just won't rhyme at all 8o)

Impressed Jimmy Fallon

Body dangling from self-hoisted petard, the spare lanyard from which goes to make up a horizontal rule

But the rhymes that he chose were not clevvy Dunlevy? Chevy? Purlease!!! *repeats rant about poor rhyming and scansion from MCiOS*

[pen] It's enough to make one go out on a bevvy.

(Raak) I need little persuasion.

There's a man outside with a beard

And a cap with three bobbles so weird

He says he's from Spain

And arrived on the train

And he'll stay till the weather has cleared.

[pen]

Hidden text

"But were poor 'cos the car was so heavy" was ringing in my ears when I wrote the American talk-show host into the rhyme.

My brother is sporting a hat

In which he just looks a twat (Phil) I'm sure he's not.

Hidden text

He's not, but he does look one in the hat. I saw a photo on facebook this morning, and that was precisely the 2nd line I had in mind

With his knob-ended cane

And arched eyebrow so vain

He looks smart but is still the same brat.

My cuckoo clock seem to be hatching

A plot for a plague that's so catching

The mould in its thatch

Is almost a match

For the lepidote nose you've been scratching.

[Chalky] Thank you for the new word I have learned today.

The lexicographical treasures

Onomatopoetical pleasures

Neological joys

Of semantical toys

To be found in thrasonical measures.

Let us dabble and stolch in the wood

And not do the things that we should

Let us shout, run and laugh

With the riff and the raff

Robin Hood

Rob the poor - let's get rich, understood...?

I wonder who's kissing her now?

Probably death - poor cow.

All

And also who's teaching her how

To make our rhyme scheme more lowbrow

Scansion police

There once was a withered old rose
Whose weak mind was set writing prose
And the non-scanning lines
Gave no points only fines
And the reason for this no one knows…

I still wonder but will never know

Just where did my other sock go?

It's gone - it's a myst'ry

That stocking is hist'ry oblig.

I'll wear odd'uns - d'yer think it'll show?

Random Line Generator

There's just enough time left I think

'Fore the cosmic heat-death, for a drink

A cocktail perhaps?

Or a sherry? Or schnapps?

Or maybe champagne that is pink?

"I am not one of those" - said miss Lola

"Who drinks all that much Coca-Cola"

"I much prefer Sprite"

she said, "though I might

Projoy

give a miss to that batch marked 'Ebola'"

Hidden text

Clapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclapclap

(Projoy) Too late; it's gone viral.

What Stevie said. I spent half an hour last night trying to thing of a 5th line. Perfect!

I really must try having sex

With a new miss - I don't miss my ex

Mrs. X

Come and take me tonight?

While my bloke's out of sight?

Sorry, I'm rat-arsed on Becks.

The inmate in cell number six

Has some rather strange facial tics

His lack of straight face

Ensures him a place

With many famed physical comics.

Really?
I play bass guitar in a band

And I'm using both left and right hand

Which one does what

Is not easy to spot

I'm the fastest jazzman in the land!

[Phil] I also play bass in a band.
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=RvkZSm68JLE&feature=youtu.be
http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=eOLmX3PBHS0

[Kim] I don't. I don't even play bass, but I do have a valid poetic licence :-)

One day I was drunk and I sang

But the words got mixed up with slang

I cursed and I swore

And I said, "Ruddigore!"

And what is much worse, cried "Fertang!!!!!"

Three dogs, a goat, and a bird

In a curry; we are not inured

Let's all dine elsewhere

On a hamster eclair

That's preferably shaven - not furred.

If we are what we eat I'm an ox

That has lived in a small cardboard box

Been steeped well in beer

And thus of good cheer

While I am a bagel and lox

I'm sorry, I can't hold your coat

I'm trying to de-worm the goat

If you hold it for me

Making sure it won't pee

I can shove the pill right down its throat "I'll see what I can do, Mr 'erriot"

Today there is wind, rain and flood

And tomorrow brings storm, hail and mud

The day after, thick snow

With a strong Arctic blow It ain't gonna happen, folks.

The year (well, thus far) is a dud

It pains me to point out the truth

But you're getting quite long in the tooth

If I might be so bold

You're quite startlingly old

But no longer the once-uncouth youth. forsooth

I won't tell you a secret I know

Instead, watch this pantomime show

The clue's in the name

Of the bellowing dame

But the answer lies deep down below

A logician, a priest, and a Scot

Was the Reverend Hamish McStott

A writer and thinker

And moderate drinker

Yet best known for his huge you-know-what

Now what is this thing that's so big?

Because bragging is so infra dig

An item of dress?

Or a way to impress?

No, an enormous big flying pig

I exist on a diet of fruit

Which I store in a Wellington boot

The sludge in the toe

I gobble like a sow

Whilst grunting chacun à son goût

I'm really enjoying this pie

Though it has left me wondering why

The ingredients list

Was so widely dissed

What's wrong with dried tadpoles and larvae of flesh fly? (a big and nourishing pie it was...)

When apples and cherries we mix

Something we do just for kicks

We make lemonade

To sip in the shade

And whittle ourselves cocktail sticks A bit lacklustre. Eyes'n'teeth next time, guys'n'gals, eyes'n'teeth!

It's an actor's poor life that I lead

I can barely afford smoking weed

While learning the Bard

Is not all that hard

It would help if I first learnt to read

I've told you a number of times

That I'll never be caught for my crimes

I'm so cunning and smart

That they call me a tart

Pooh

Moi? I'm the Macavity of Mimes For when a crime's discovered then Macavity's not there!

My mother is losing her mind

Because of a contract she signed

In which she agreed (Pooh) Does that include your own crimes of scansion?

To always wear tweed

And a necklace of smoked bacon rind

We shall soon start the season of Lent

When the rules of abstention are bent

To make us believe

It is now time to heave

BMI by some fifty percent... http://www.seriouseats.com/2011/01/culinary-ambassadors-swedish-semla-fastlagsbulle-pastry-bun-lent-shrove-tuesday.html

Still my Body Mass Index is low

My ribcage is always on show

My skinny white arms

Are the least of my charms

Neophyte

Whilst the best may be felt down below

The means by which pussycats purr